NASI LEMAK AND NESCAFE TARIK

NEW PLACE FOR A NEW BLOG

2009-09-14T17:51:00.002+08:00

Well, like I said in the other Nasi Lemak And Nescafe Tarik blog, which has since expired, I moved to here.

Tak seganas dulu (hehe), but you will find instances and flashes of raw emotions that made Nasi Lemak And Nescafe Tarik the way it was.

After all, I am 40 this year. You know what they say la, life begins at 40....

HIJRAH

2007-08-15T18:03:00.000+08:00

I am in the process of migrating to my own blog domain at akula69.com. You can read my latest posts there.

SCHEMING THE CIVIL SERVICE VSS

2007-08-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

Join the Civil Service. After you are confirm in your job start making problems. You will then be offered VSS to leave the service. Take the offer, and with the money given by the Government under VSS, look for other jobs.

What a stupid idea!

The State JPJ Director who got caught committing khalwat and receiving bribes must be smiling from ear to ear. If the VSS is implemented I am sure he will be the first one to apply and I have no doubt it will be approve without reservation.

All this while I thought VSS is about downsizing, saving overhead costs and enhancing efficiency. Boy, was I wrong about that.

And I am sure those who cant wait to get out from Civil Service will finally have the way to do so by making troubles, lots of it. And on their way out, they would be laughing histerically all the way to the bank.

General Order? What General Order?

This is the classic case of the wrong man being chosen to be on top. Wonder what happened to those AP's issue?

SO, WHOSE FAULT IS IT ANYWAY?

2007-08-11T19:25:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, 3 children and their parents perished in a predawn fire in Kluang, Johor.

Its a tragedy every single time things like this happened. Who is to be blamed? The father who had to delay his monthly electricity bill payment so that he can give the money to his other University studying daughters? Tenaga Nasional Berhad who promptly cut the electricity supply to the house because it was not paid on time? The 3 children who ran back into the burning house to help their parents?

On the same note today, The New Straits Times reported that;

The Prime Minister has directed ministries and agencies to submit a quarterly report on the government’s efforts to wipe out poverty.

The prime minister issued the directive at the last cabinet meeting, citing the need to determine the progress of the various poverty eradication programmes.

"We want to know whether we are on track in our efforts to improve the livelihood of the hardcore poor,"

I wonder how much is their electricity bill? Take my monthly bill for comparison. It averages about RM 80.00 per month. And that includes an air condition unit. I am sure the family's bill will be much lower than that and still he cant afford to pay.

I couldn't help but think about the hardcore poor. Could the family above be categorised as hardcore poor? My logical answer is yes. How much is a monthly income of a factory worker? RM 600.00, RM 700.00? With this minuscule earnings he has to support 7 children, which 4 of them are studying in the university. Tell me how can it be enough?

We Malaysians tend to imagine that hardcore poors are those single elderly persons who live in a rundown hut somewhere in the ulu whatever. Its not only them.

I am not exactly sure what kind of method and studies use by the Government to categorise and to determine living standard of a family.

But I don't need sophisticated statistical calculation to conclude that the poverty eradication programme failed miserably.

I just took a long hard look at this very unfortunate family.

Photos from NST and The Star Online

OF MAKING EASY MONEY

2007-08-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

Last 2 weeks, I contacted my one of my x's who works in Bank Rakyat.

No lah, nothing about rekindling that old flame thing. 2 colleagues of mine wanted to apply for personal loans and I was merely trying to help them.

So I asked Miss X if she can help them. "No problem, I 'll fax everything to you and ask your friends to fill in the forms, attached all the required documents and fax it back to me". I replied "Okay, will do".

I handed over them application form to them and asked them to do what was required and thought nothing about it afterwards.

Until today. Miss X called me.

Miss X :"Akula, I have deposited RM 100.00 in your account today"

Akula : " Huh? What for?

My mind was scrambling trying to figure it out. Why she did that? I silently thought.

Akula: "Did you owe me money when we dated?"

Miss X: "Yeah right. No lah, its your introducer fee for recommending my Bank to your colleagues. RM 50.00 per person. Your friends loan was approved".

Akula: "Whew! Seriously?"

Miss X : "Yes"

Akula : "Thats cool. Thanks dear, bye"

Miss X : "Bye"

Its a pleasant surprise. Earned RM 100.00 by doing nothing. My 2 colleagues also informed me that their loans were approved a day after they sent in the application. And the best thing was, they don't have to go to the Bank to sign the agreement. Instead, the Bank representative's came to the office to seal the deal. Now, that's what I call excellent services.

7 minutes after that I smsed her : "Could you please send the application forms again. I don't have any copies with me". To which she replied :"Don't quit your day job, okay".

She read my mind.

P/s : BTW, I can be contacted at blog.akula@gmail.com if you guys ever need a personal loan. Hehehe.

ET TU, BRUTE?

2007-08-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

"Anwar a traitor to Malay cause, says Khairy"

“Anwar is a puppet of the United States and the Jews, thus he must be hounded until there is no more place for him to run to,” he told a state Umno Youth gathering on Wednesday night.

Statements like this reminded me of the days when Anwar was sacked from the Government. If I remember it correctly, the then Prime Minister also called Anwar a traitor and more. I dont know how KJ got his information, but accusation without solid supporting proof remains just like that, accusation.

Its the same when KJ himself was accused as being the figure who actually runs the country instead of the PM. With no solid evidence, it too remains as just an accusation.

Oh well, I guess, only the accused knows how to accuse someone else.

I am sure Karam Singh Walia, (with animated hand movements) will excitedly remarks "Hanya jauhari yang kenal manikam" if he is a political journalist.

The thing is, was it not KJ who immediately went to meet Anwar after his release from prison to help the former secure his passport?

There goes his credibility down the toilet.

With facts like that, tell me why I should even consider his statements.

I TOLD U ITS NOT FOR MY X'S

2007-08-05T21:49:00.000+08:00

TO ARMS! TO ARMS!

2007-08-05T00:20:00.000+08:00

The recent announcement of over US 60 billion military aid packages by the US for the Middle Eastern countries namely Israel, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar and the UAE made me think that it looks like they are getting ready for war. Never mind the fact that this entire region's history and formation of modern borders were carved out in blood.

Add that with these facts. Al Qaeda and Osama Ben Laden are still loose somewhere in Waziristan. The Iranians remains steadfastly insistent in procuring and advancing their nuclear ambitions. And their brethren in Iraq now controlled the government after its Sunni coalition partner quits. Imagine if Musharraf, the Pakistani president, fails to survive the next assassination attempt on his life, thus creating a power struggle within the country, which its nuclear warheads will be at last within the grasp of the fanatics. US and its allies can't do a damn thing other than being a sitting duck magnet inviting attacks from whoever are willing enough.

Chilling facts.

And Malaysian politicians worries about bloggers and flight delays?

Something is definitely wrong somewhere.

MY ONE HUNDREDTH POST

2007-08-04T07:19:00.000+08:00

This is my one hundreth post.

Yey!

As I mentioned in my first ever posting in this blog, this is my 26th attempt. I am happy I managed to stick to this one and wrote regularly.

Yeah I know la, some of the posts were cheesy, but hey, I am not a trained writer. (Cheesy or not, those posts are counted too :)

Of course, like everybody else, I am doing this part time but blogging made me more aware about things that happened around me, as a result, I listened more to conversations and paid close attention to news articles.

Readers have increased tremendously since the first post and hopefully it will soon hit the 5,000 mark. Back then I felt unsure whether people will actually read what I posted. Thanks to you guys for coming back again and again. A special thank you to Mr. Hobo and Mr. Incognito for being the first 2 to visit this blog.

Okay, since I will not receive any Pulitzer for this one hundredth post, I am off to my favourite teh tarik joint to have my nasi lemak (with rendang ayam) and nescafe tarik to celebrate.

And I am not inviting.

SO WHICH PARTY DO I SUPPORT ANYWAY?

2007-08-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

These past few days, I have been receiving emails asking me which political party in Malaysia I am affiliated with.

Hmmm. Oklah, let me make this public.

Its.....None.

Some thought I support the Opposition. Sorry to disappoint you guys. The Opposition front couldnt get their act together since Independence. They are in disarray, accusing their so called partners this and that and all kind of shit. How do you expect them to run a country if they cant even put their alliance in order? Past performances? Well, its ups and downs. And the `Ustaz Ashaari' thing for me is definately a turn off (if you get what I mean). BTW, I did once ask an opposition die hard supporter who was yelling enthusiastically. Whats the reformasi is all about? Erm, mmm is all he could come up with. If he cannot explain to me about the basis of his party's struggles for an outsider like me, then what? I dont want to yell reformasi at the top of my lungs aimlessly and risk my ass just because its the cool thing to do. Nope, not for me.

What about the ruling coalition? Tempting, yes. But again, the `Ustaz Ashaari' syndrome. Almost cult like. A leader can do no wrong seems to be everybody's favourite principle they hold dear to their heart. Harking back on history also seems to be on everyone's lips of broken record recycled theme whenever its speech time. Threats, intimidation, legalize bribery (the most recent one in Ijok) are the accepted norms of campaigning. Ruling the country for the past 50 years made them feel invincible and the term absolute power corrupts absolutely bear no meaning at all.

So what choice do I have left? Like I mentioned before.

None.

OF A MALAY SOUL FOOD

2007-08-02T20:59:00.001+08:00

I am pimping for this cool post by mya Malay Soul Food.

Mya is a regular visitor of Nasi Lemak and Nescafe Tarik. She loves All Blacks mind you. (YEY!). And I am lucky she chose to publish her article in one of my blogs. Thanks mya.

Go read it, boys and girls. Her article will convert you non durian eaters and turn you durian lovers into a fanatic.

SHE'S MY HERO

2007-07-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and then you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you

It's a long road when you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
You can find love
if you search within your self
and the emptiness you felt will disappear

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you

Lord knows dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone tear them away
Hold on, there will be tomorrow
In time you'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive

when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you
that a hero lies in.....you.

Mariah Carey's Hero - Music Box (1993)

I am posting this song and lyric for a brave girl who had endured a painful and major surgery to correct her abnormal spine. I cant remember the tongue rolling, jaw breaking name of this procedure. (Hey, I did try to say it out loud, okay, but couldnt get it right. So I give up! I really dont like medical terms). She's due to undergo a second similar operation in the next few days.

I cant imagine how it must be for a girl like her to go through this. Twice. In a short period of time. She's in her early teens. And I was told by the father, she's a fan of my blog.

I know she will face the next surgery with a strong rebellious spirit that young teens usually have.

I am praying for her speedy recovery.

ps: Come on now, do you honestly think I would dedicate the song to my x's?

OF JUNGLES AND MONKEYS.....OH! AND OXFORD TOO

2007-07-30T22:16:00.000+08:00

I would expect intelligent comments from him. But alas, maybe our blue eyed boy got tongue tied, or maybe he was nervous and forgot all those academical words and phrases he used to write in his student days.

Maybe the reporters shoved their recorder a bit too close to his nose and that made him blurted out comments like a fool might say. (Hey, I don't know. I was not there).

Please la, if he thought, spurting out words like jungles and monkeys, made him sounds intelligent, I beg to differ. It would be more cool to say something like a simplistic being who eat and relief itself by way of passing nutrients through its single cell body, no brain amoeba wannabe. I can definitely accept comments like that.

But then again, I was not educated in a famous Uni. So I cannot comment on the quality of graduates it has produced. Or was it because he was orally challenged? Nope, I don't think so. I have listened to his speeches. Its good. I mean, seriously.

Come to think of it, of course it was good, since the audience was 99.99 % (the 0.01 % is yours truly la) behind him and clinged to his every spoken word with intermittent spirited shout of Hidup The One Who Cannot Be Named.

Bear in mind, this is the man, who, as the story goes, was the student who dared to ask a strong worded question to the Grand Old Man.

Well, I guess that was just an extreme promotion of this guy after all.

Being a graduate of a world famous Uni, if a reference to jungle's and monkey's is all the methapor he could come up with, then I feel our future is really, truly blurred.

RATE YOUR BLOG.

2007-07-29T19:44:00.000+08:00

This blog has been rated as PG. ( I did hope forPG-13).

Why? Because it contain words shit (2X) and ass (1x).

Looks like I have to include the shits and the asses more frequently in my postings. :)

PS.Thanks to Michael Song for posting this in his blog.

OF AN AIRLINE AND ONE PISSED OF GUY

2007-07-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we cannot avoid things that happened to us. We do not have any control over it.

For instance, when you are driving leisurely at your own pace, listening to the song that you didnt hear for a while, someone knock your car from behind.

Piss off? Yeah sure. Go on. Let it out. Scream until you hurt your throat. Do the mad dance around the car. I hear you man.

The thing is, its unavoidable.

But what will happen if you are a big shot VVIP who suddenly find yourself stranded at the airport because of flight delays? You call for the top man in the company to be remove from his position, right?

People got stranded all the time, all over the world. And what did they do? They did the mad dance, they screamed at the airline or the airport personnel. And the worst thing they did were to say "I WILL NEVER FLY WITH THIS AIRLINE AGAIN" . But thats it, nothing more.

I suspect that if these people have the power in their hands to remove whoever the CEO of that airline is, they definately will go for thats person's head, blood and all. But of course, they dont have that. And they wont call a media conference and bitched about it. They are mere passengers after all.

Unlike the big shot VIP lah.

A WEEK IN REVIEW - WHERE EVERYTHING IS A OK

2007-07-28T17:17:00.000+08:00

Rexy and family - We are ok with the PR. Thanks.

Former Candidate for Commonwealth Sec Gen - Wisma Putra is ok with my decision.

The dipping girls - Our teacher is ok one.

The dipping girls parents - Yup, we are ok.

US Envoy to Malaysia - US/Malaysia relation is ok.

UUM - No, no.......... everything is ok, no baju kurung rules to non Muslims.

RPK - Sure hope he's ok.

Man bitten by crocodile 14 times - He's ok.

Harry Potters row - The 4 major bookstores is ok and started selling.

Ex ACA boss - AG said he's ok.

IGP - AG said he's ok too.

Tourism Malaysia ad - "Come visit the land of okays, where your stay will be ...ummm okay."

Are you okay?

I am not.

Notes: I made up the Tourism Malaysia ad. You can read the rest in the news, okay.

AWESOME? SURE I AM. :)

2007-07-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

Azwan thought I am awesome, so he awarded me this Awesome Guy Blogger Award. Now, time for my speech..............

In your dreams! :)

Sorry, I am not a speech giving person, although sometimes I do wish I have the flair to talk in front of an audience.

Anyway, I have to choose 5 awesome dudes. In no particular order:-

1. HOBO DUDE - Memoir of Interant Hobo.

2. 13 MAY - Layan Kepala

3. WINGED ACROPHOBIC - Merrily Down The Stream

4. UNCLE SHA - Uncle Sha

5.

The fifth spot remains as it is for now.

Quoting Azwan " You dont need to do this if you dont want to". But you dudes are awesome bloggers to me, regardless.

I am so done here.

PAY PER POST

2007-07-27T10:34:00.000+08:00

Everybody loves to make money.

Yes, even the good ol' me. Of course you have by now notice all the ads I put up on this blog. My sole purpose? What else, money. Yeah, yeah I know, money is the root of all evil but who cares? I want to have more. In fact a whole lot more.

That said, I am signing up payperpost as another ploy to earn more. I am posting this to get paid. I am still trying to understand what I should do, so if you ad expert out there feels like you want to correct me, please do so. I am willing and learning.

So what is payperpost?

The only thing I know so far, is that you write a review of something, as offered by someone or some businesses who pre determine how much your review is worth, get it approved and you will get paid or something like that. (Hey I am new at this.)

Why payperpost?

Unlike other advertisers, its all up to me, myself and I. If I want to make more, I have to blog more. Money is always an encouraging factor to motivate me . And from what I know so far, Pay Per Post pays more too.

Of course, if this venture is succesful like I hope it would be, I will finally have the means to satisfy my lust for Krell Evolution.

If its not, well, I still can piss people off with my postings.

p/s: CG, does this answer your comment:)

SO, U WANNA KEEP ON BLOGGIN 2?

2007-07-24T22:08:00.001+08:00

Much have been said about bloggers these past few days. Thats why I posted comments and statements from various newspaper and media.

However, the only fair comment about bloggers was reported by Malaysiakini. The mainstream media as expected, tend to generalize and demonize bloggers in their reports.

Bloggers blog not because they just feel like kicking someone's ass. In fact they write about their opinion on whatever they could think of, things that happened to them and because they feel they need to say something outside the comfort and security of familiar surroundings. It doesnt matter if they write about frustrations and happiness, Manchester United or All Blacks, cats and roosters. The most important thing is they record it all and let the world knows about it.

It just so happen bloggers do write about politics as well. And what is wrong about that?

Politicians gives 'ceramah' all the time and tell their audiences about their party manifesto, bad mouthing the other side, do character assasination and God knows what. And that's all right?

The only thing different between bloggers and politician is, politician deny things he said if his statements came out wrong and blame it on the poor media for misquoting. Bloggers will have his writings cut and paste as prove in the comment columm if they said the wrong things. And I never heard a blogger blame their readers for misquoting.

The thing is if we cannot get a fair, just and balance comment from the mainstream media, where we would go to? Politicians? Yeah right.

I'll read the blogs.

SO, U WANNA KEEP ON BLOGGIN' ?

2007-07-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

Utusan Malaysia Online, 24 July 2007

Bagaimanapun, kata Timbalan Perdana Menteri, Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak, setiap orang perlu menyedari bahawa negara ini mempunyai undang-undang yang perlu dipatuhi.

‘Tidak, tidak ada keputusan khas dibuat untuk ambil tindakan ke atas blogger, tetapi setiap orang perlu sedar bahawa negara ini mempunyai undang-undang,” katanya.

Malaysiakini.com, 24 July 2007

However, Kadir, a blogger himself, felt that such an action would be unlikely. “I don’t think so (there will be a crackdown). It’s too early to say that,” he said when met at the sidelines of a forum on bloggers in Shah Alam today.

Malaysiakini.com, 24 July 2007

Meanwhile, Prof Zaharom Nain of Universiti Sains Malaysia said there are attempts to control bloggers through lawsuits, citing Jeff Ooi and Ahirudin Attan, who are currently embroiled in a multi-million ringgit lawsuit for defaming the New Straits Times, as examples.

“Bloggers are creating space for democracy to expand in Malaysia,” he said at the forum organised by the Centre for Media and Information Warfare Studies of Universiti Teknologi Mara.

Bernama.com, 23 July 2007

A Senator today called for a stern action against bloggers who he described as "arrogant and bold" when making disparaging remarks against leaders.

"The lack of specific act to supervise bloggers gave them the space to spread lies which touch the sensitivity to the community. It can become a threat to peace". Said Senator Dr. Mohd Puad Zarkashi when debating The Electronic Government Activities Bill 2007 in Dewan Negara.

Malaysiakini.com, 24 July 2007

Former premier Dr Mahathir Mohamad believes that there is an attempt by the government to curb voices of dissent on the Internet. “Yes there is an attempt. But you cannot stop people from using the Internet,” he told reporters after officiating the International Conference on Gold Dinar Economy at the Putra World Trade Centre in Kuala Lumpur today.

Mahathir said in the past, his administration would have liked to ban Internet pornography but it was “impossible” because, among others, the content was based overseas.

“Same with bloggers. You can’t stop them,” he stressed.

ALL BLACKS WON THE TRI NATION TITLE & THE BLEDISLOE CUP.

2007-07-22T19:02:00.000+08:00

New Zealand 26-12 Australia.

What did I tell you before? For full report, click here.

Onwards to World Cup.

Photo source:http://tvnz.co.nz

MALAYSIA AN ISLAMIC STATE.

2007-07-21T08:48:00.000+08:00

This statement by DPM caused a fiery debate between Umno and MCA.

Me? I dont give a shit.

Sure I am a Muslim. But so are millions of Muslims worldwide who are not living in an Islamic State. Does that makes them lesser Muslims?

I understand the fact that such statements are formulated to gain political mileage with Malay voters, in view of the coming General Election. As usual la, to paint the heroic image of the ruling party as a Muslim causes champion.

However I was surprised by the ridiculous action by the Government after which, as reported in Malaysiakini, banned all mainstream media from publishing any issues relating to Malaysia being an Islamic State.

Quoating an article "The Islamic state may not interfere with the personal rights of non-Muslims, who have full freedom of conscience and belief and are at liberty to perform their religious rites and ceremonies in their own way. Not only may they propagate their religion, they are even entitled to criticize Islam within the limits laid down by law and decency."

And Malaysia an Islamic State?

Islamic State or not, doesn't effect my everyday life one bit. My paycheck stays the same, I still drive the same car, I work in the same place, etc.

Like I said, I dont give a shit.

TEH TARIK SESSION: ANNOUNCEMENT!

2007-07-19T20:39:00.000+08:00

You guys know who you are.

There will be a TEH TARIK SESSION at NZ this coming Saturday at 10.00 pm. Free your schedules and please do try to make it.

As usual, balaks only, no wife's, girlfriends, kids and tag alongs allowed (that includes x wife's, x girfriends, x mistressess and x whatever you want to call it for you know who la).

If you guys have to apply Visa from your love ones, apply early to avoid disappointment. Hehe

See you there.

THE HOTTEST JOURNALIST IN MALAYSIA

2007-07-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

Wan Zaleha Radzi, Zalina Azman, Normala Samsuddin are among those beauties who once brightened up TV3 news over the years. No doubt they made TV news a joy to watch.

Now, however there is this person whom I am big fan of. Hands waving while delivering reports with passion and professionalism, made me think that this is how news report should be delivered. Viewers are hook, absorbing those words in trance like state.

TV3 news is not the same if he's not in it.

Forget all the beauties, now there's only KARAM SINGH WALIA.

TEH TARIK SESSION IN SESSION 3

2007-07-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

I had a heated discussion about religion, God and Malaysian politics late in the afternoon today.

No, that's not what I want to write about.

There were four of us, and this friend of mine have a habit of making his point by touching us on our hands. With his hands la!

At first I just dismissed it, thinking nothing about his overfriendly gestures. I shot a glanced to Adi, he couldn't stop his smirking. I look at my other friend, Jeffri and he keep on shifting on his seat. Uncomfortable.

An hour into the conversation, I couldnt stand it anymore and said to my overfriendly friend.

Akula:"Hey bro, do you mind? Keep your hands to yourself okay".

Overfriendly friend: "Ummm, sorry dude, it's a habit. I didnt realize I did that".

Adi: "Fine, just dont do it again."

1 and half hour later.

Jeffri: "Bro, you are still touching us man. Apa ni?"

Overfriendly friend: "I am so sorry".

I winked at Jeffri and Adi. And from that point, all three of us 'accidentally' started touching him back whenever we want to express our points.We touched him on his hands and put our hands on his knees. Our overfriendly friend was getting restless, and restless every minute, but I noticed that he actually stopped touching us.

Finally, he gave up, pushed his chair back, and walk off saying : "You guys really sucks". I shot back "Its your fault for bringing the gay thing out, bro".

He didnt turn back, but I was pretty sure he heard our hysterical laughter ringing in his ears.

All 100 kg and 171 cm of him.

BEARING RESPONSIBILITIES

2007-07-16T19:41:00.001+08:00

Kudos to Tengku Abdullah for resigning all his posts in FAM. Same goes to KJ. Thats how you take responsibilities.

For all other officials in FAM, wtf are you waiting for?

OF MY TRIP TO KUALA PERLIS

2007-07-15T19:45:00.000+08:00

I went back to Sungai Petani last weekend and decided to drive to Kuala Perlis for the seafood.

Although there is a new highway from Bukit Kayu Hitam to Kuala Perlis, I took the old road via Alor Setar, Kuala Sanglang and Simpang Empat.

Nothing much had changed all these years while I was abroad. The scenery pretty much looked the same as I remembered it. Paddy fields, the irrigation ditch looks familiar.

Entering Perlis I did notice however there are quite a few houses painted in pink like the above picture. I cant remember any house in pink along this road eleven years ago. Its either that, or my memory is failing me.

I was not impressed at all when I reached Kuala Perlis. The tired jetty look uninviting and out of shape. New buildings and stalls were built but not maintained. Right in front of it, an abandoned building remains standing. And beside the access road lies a rubbish dumping area.

Oh well, its the Malaysian style again at work here. The government spent million of RM's promoting tourism abroad, but neglected the basic facilities back home. When are they ever going to learn? 50 years of Independence and still we cannot take care of our own backyard.

At least, the seafood is still good though.

MALAYSIA TRASHED YET AGAIN!

2007-07-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

And Malaysia lost, yet again to Uzbekistan 5-0. Norizan Bakar, the coach finally conceded that we don't have the quality to compete in the Asian Cup Final.

Duh! You think?

What else is new anyway with our National Football team. FAM despite spending millions of RM's still couldn't put together a decent team. I repeat, a decent team.

I don't expect miracles, but the way they lost the opening match to China really shows our National team sucks big time. No fighting spirit at all. Show some pridelah.

FAM officials from top to bottom should do the honourable thing and resign en masse. But then, I doubt they would do that. As always, unlike in other countries, where officials and ministers will accept the responsibility and resign from their posts, the Malaysian way is to say, "if I resign it shows that I am not responsible to this mess, so I would stay on".

The thing is, they have been there for so long, which is as long as I can remember. It is a fact that FAM is responsible in destroying our once great football team.

The new Nike sponsored jersey while nice to look at doesn't help one bit. Or could it be our boys played like they did simply because they don't want those jersey's to be dirty? Hey, its a Nike after all, isn't it?

Watching our football team played, I am sure Sapok Biki hung his head in shame.

Like the rest of us.

OF BUFFET AND ALA CARTE

2007-07-12T12:34:00.000+08:00

Remember when I told you about the motivational course I attended last weekend?

It was in Swiss Garden Resort and Spa Hotel.

I was on my way out the restaurant after choosing my food at the buffet table, thinking how I would enjoy eating it outdoor when I was stopped by the waiter.

Waiter: "Excuse me sir, you cannot eat outside if you take your food from the buffet"

I was perplexed and bewildered:" Why not?"

Waiter: "You see Sir, the tables outside are meant for guests who order their dinner ala carte."

Akula: "Are you serious? You mean I cannot eat my buffet food outside?"

Waiter: "Yes Sir, that's right."

I was getting annoyed and pissed off.

Akula : " Fine. I want to speak to your F&B Manager"

Waiter: "But why sir?" he said in a calm voice.

Akula : " Just get me you damn Manager"

Waiter: "He's not around, Sir"

Akula : "WTF! Look! I am going outside with my food, and I will eat my dinner, after that, I will light and enjoy my cigarettes. In the mean time you can call the police, RELA, Bomba, SMART TEAM and whoever else you could think off. And you are wasting your time arguing this with me. Maybe you better start calling them now."

I went outside.

(*Sigh* 9 straight hours of course programmes and a hungry stomach really made me mad.)

I don't feel motivated at all.

I wrote a complain note to the Hotel Management.

"I demand your hotel to reconsider this discriminatory and apartheid policy of separating buffet and ala carte patrons. We "the buffet" customers should be given the choice to eat our food anywhere, be it in the restaurant or outside if we wish too."

"P.S. Your hotel sucks!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2007-07-11T07:27:00.000+08:00

Laaaaa....

I totally forgot that today is my birthday.

Well...

Happy Birthday to me.

I accept cash only for present.

And yes, without doubt, this is a self pimping post.

Hahaha.

SELF PIMPING

2007-07-11T06:57:00.000+08:00

No lah. I am not self pimping myself. Cant take the heat. :)

But KJ is.

It was reported yesterday, that KJ called for younger candidates to be given a chance to contest in the next General Election.

"This is necessary because in politics continuous efforts are needed to rejuvenate the party and Government”-KJ

I agree that there should be a succession plan in every organisation to ensure a smooth leadership transition.

I think this is a smart move by KJ to ensure that he will be chosen for the next GE. I am sure after this statement, all his machai's and balachi's will go out and campaign for new guys (especially him) to be fielded.

Maybe he felt that time is running out and he got no choices other than to expose himself. This will of course reminds the power that be to include him. Otherwise they can just kill off his political career by not selecting him to be a candidate. To further his ambition, he cannot afford not to be a YB.

Hope he'll start cleaning up all his skeleton in his closet.

Like renewing his driving license for example.

But then, come to think of it, maybe he wont need to.

After all jatuh standardlah, for a YB to drive himself.

Right?

GOING AWAY

2007-07-10T23:42:00.000+08:00

My best friend and colleague will be moving to Ottawa for her next assignment.

We argued, fought, teased, joked and laughed together all the time. Never mind she's a lady. She will stand her ground if she thinks she's right. She's cool.

I will miss her.

Thats for sure.

RAMBLINGS 1

2007-07-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

So, I have not been able to blog for almost a week.

And to top that, last weekend I went for a motivational course in Kuantan. Its quite tiring but fun, nevertheless.

These past few days, I thought a lot about what makes me the way I am today. (Those who are not interested to read about me writing about myself, please dont go any further. You have been warned.)

I was told that I need to smile more, do away with my serious appearance and I will get more friends. Hmmm...Is my social life that bad? I did mentioned in my previous postings, I hate people who gave me advices without even knowing who I really am. *Sigh*

Sometimes people just assume you are what you look like. Whatever happens to the, "I should know you better before making any judgement" thing?

I cant change how I look like, nor I will change my attitude and character to satisfy somebody. I am what I am. Either like me the way I am, or not.

Doesnt really matter to me anyway.

HEROES

2007-07-04T22:17:00.000+08:00

Cant wait for season 2. The ending is a little bit of anti climax. I expected a lot of fight between Sylar and the heroes, not just stood there and be stabbed by Hiro. All in all a good season. Hope the second season would be better.

HUNKY CUSTOMERS TRIGGERS CATFIGHT

2007-07-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

I really have to blog about this piece. That `mamat' for sure secured a bragging right forever, and its recorded in the news should no one believe him. Doesn't matter even if he fled the scene. But then, I will not be surprised if other not so hunky man will also claimed that he was the man that triggered the catfight.

Ladies, please. I am sure you guys are not THAT desperate. ;)

KUALA TERENGGANU: A man, who reportedly looked like a Bollywood actor, walked into a food court for a teh tarik and triggered a brawl among three women that left one woman scalded and another woman's T-shirt ripped open.

Several chairs and tables were damaged during the fight among the women at the outlet in Merega Beris in Kijal, Kemaman on Saturday.

The shocked man fled the scene.

It all began when the man walked in alone. Two women at two separate stalls immediately tried to get his attention and lure him over to their stalls.

When he stopped to speak with one of the women, her competitor, 21, became so incensed that she marched over to the woman, tore her T-shirt and accused her of being gatal and dressing seductively.

The other woman, 22, immediately grabbed a pan and splashed her attacker with hot water, scalding her.

The scalded woman's mother, 46, rushed to her daughter's aid, hurling chairs at her assailant, damaging tables and alarming the other customers, said state Deputy CID Chief Supt Khairi Ahrasa yesterday.

He said the scalded woman was now warded at the Kemaman Hospital.

Source : The STAR news online.

WRITERS FOR HIRE

2007-07-02T23:08:00.001+08:00

It was reported today in Berita Harian, that the Government had appointed several writers to to counter lies that were spread especially when it involves Goverment leaders in the Internet. The Sports and Youth Minister will head the group. You can read the rest of the news here.

Oh well, dear Minister, I would love to read and comment your blog. I do want to know about what the hell happened to Rakan Muda, after all the bruhaha and millions spent to promote it. What kind of impact, if any, it had on our youth? Are Malaysian youth (especially Malays) free from drugs and not wasting their time by `lepak' now?

Anyway, anybody interested to be the Government official blogger?

KEDAH VS PERLIS, FA CUP FINAL.

2007-07-01T19:49:00.001+08:00

I made a bad decision to go back to KL from Sungai Petani yesterday's evening. Usually if I travel, I will browse through the Internet or the newspaper to see if there is any big event going on. And if there is, I will postpone my travel or delay it.

The reason is I dont want to be caught in a traffic jam. I am not a patience man. Patience is the ability to wait without complaining and I am definately not that.

And I got stuck. I knew that there is Kedah and Perlis FA cup final scheduled to be held in Batu Kawan Stadium, Penang. I was so stupid to think that Batu Kawan is in the island, not in the mainland. Obviously, the fans were on the right course, heading there, with me among them. Had I figured it out, I could easily avoided the traffic jam by delaying my return for a few hours.

I was caught in a traffic jam for 1 hour entering Sungai Dua toll plaza and another one right before Juru toll plaza all the way to the Batu Kawan exit for another 2 excruciating hours.

I did wonder about what the hell are highways for? To make life easier? Balik kampung during raya or other holidays are really stressfull. Last raya, my sister took about 16 hours instead of the normal 5 hours from KL to Sungai Petani.

Kedah won the match for the record.

Yeah, yeah, its my own fault.

ALL BLACKS DEFEAT. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, OKAY.

2007-07-01T06:29:00.000+08:00

Dammit. Yeah, okay, so, All Blacks loose to the Wallabies. Then again, its not the end of the world yet. After all, Wallabies took about what, 4 years to beat All Blacks?

HENRY HAPPY TO BE RID OF INVINCIBLE TAG

The All Blacks have finally been beaten, and despite the disappointing nature of defeat, their coach Graham Henry insists the lose is "a good thing".

Most people, before the game, were convinced that New Zealand would sweep all before them in the coming months resulting in a World Cup win. The result does not cast New Zealand's credentials into doubt, but it does give hope to others and prove they are not invincible.

Henry, who has grown tired on the invincible tag, believes the defeat will give the squad a chance to now reaccess where they are as well as providing huge motivation for the coming months.

"I think this is probably a very good thing in many respects," he told Fox Sports.

"It just put us back on our hind foot and made us think and rethink what we are doing.

"Hopefully this is motivational."

The expectation for New Zealand to deliver the World Cup has grown over the past years and has now become something of a burden, similar to 2003. At that stage four years ago New Zealand had whitewashed Australia in the Bledisloe Cup but went on to lose 22-10 in the World Cup semi-final.

Despite the winning score coming from a Luke McAlister mistake Henry was quick to defend the makeshift outside centre.

"We made some mistakes defensively generally, I won't blame any particular individual and that's the way it was," he said.

"And Mortlock played particularly well, had a big game, and exposed us a couple of times."

Henry was however far from happy with the manner in which referee Jonker handled the scrum, with both sides struggling to come to terms with his interpretations of the laws.

"It's frustrating the scrum at the moment," he said. "It needs to be looked at.

"That's not the way to play it really with short-arm penalties all the time. It's frustrating."

Article Published: Saturday 30 June 2007

Written by: Sports Digital Media

Link to Tri Nation Rugby news.

OF SARCASM

2007-06-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

Paris, winter 1999

A middle aged European man asked me this question jokingly. "I read in the newspaper long time ago, Malaysians lived on trees before. Now, do you still do that?" I replied "Sadly no, but since we are so used to heights, now we live in skyscrapers".

I reciprocated a question. "Why your Paris is known as the perfume capital of the world?" He nodded, agreeing "Ahh, what kind of question you asked. Its because we French like to smell nice and beautiful". I replied, slowly but with clear voice. "Are you sure this is not because you want to cover your body odour with those perfumes? You rarely take any bath, yes?" He smiled and laugh, " Haa, I like you, you funny man".

He didnt even realize I was just being sarcastic.

IZI YAHAYA

2007-06-26T19:54:00.000+08:00

Al Fatihah. Ali Setan came to my mind. One by one, just like that, they're gone.

JOHOR BARU: Actor Izi Yahya, known for his villainous roles, died here after a fall during the shooting of a documentary on Saturday. He was 42.

He was initially rushed to a clinic in Mantin, Negri Sembilan, and then referred to the Seremban Hospital.

However, there was no specialist at the hospital to treat Izi, who required immediate surgery for brain haemorrhage.

He had to be rushed to the Sultanah Aminah Hospital here when it was learnt that there were also no specialists at the Kuala Lumpur, Selayang and Sungai Buloh hospitals nor at the Universiti Malaya Medical Centre.

He died at Sultanah Aminah without regaining consciousness.

Izi lost consciousness after a fall during the shooting of a documentary titled Darurat (Emergency).

His role as a villain was most prominent in the film Embun, in which he played “Akaishi”, a Japanese soldier.

The role won him the Best Supporting Actor award at the 16th Malaysian Film Festival in 2003.

Izi’s remains were taken to his family home in Datuk Keramat, Kuala Lumpur, for burial at the Ulu Klang Muslim cemetery. — Bernama

MINIMUM WAGE. I SUPPORT MTUC'S DEMAND

2007-06-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

High time la for minimum wage to be enforceable in Malaysia. How do you expect a worker earning RM 200-500 permonth to survive? If he's married and have children(s), its barely enough to cover food expenses alone.

Think about this, the national poverty level in Malaysia is RM 691 in Peninsular Malaysia, RM 888 in Sabah and RM 765 in Sarawak. In contrast workers in 5 star hotels in KL earns about RM 295 which is the waiters and cleaners.

Now, tell me if there is nothing wrong about that. And dont let me start with factory workers and others who are in the same boat.

Tourism, as reported in the mainstream media is Malaysia's second highest in foreign exchange earner but they cannot even pay those workers in the industry a decent salary. And we demanded that they smile for the tourists, welcoming them since they are the frontline guys.

MTUC will be picketing if this demand are not met by the Government.

Who can blame them, if the salary they earn to make ends meet is just a mere RM 295.00 per month anyway.

And Malaysia aims to be a developed nation on these guys blood, sweat and tears.

How ironic, isnt it?

THE CRUEL CAPITALIST SIDE OF A MALAYSIAN CLINIC

2007-06-23T23:06:00.000+08:00

Clinic holds baby ‘hostage’ over RM985

A THREE-day-old baby girl was kept “hostage” by a private clinic in Masai, Johor, because her family were unable to pay the RM985 clinic charges.

Harian Metro reported that the baby, born on June 18, was not only separated from her mother but also had to sleep on a weighing scale.

The baby's luck changed when officers from the state Health Department, the Pharmaceutical Department and the Immigration Department raided the clinic on suspicion that the doctor was selling sleeping pills to drug users.

Dr Haslina Zamani, the deputy director from the state Health Department's Private Medical Practice Control Unit, said that the baby was returned to her parents at Kampung Pertanian on Thursday.

Source: The STAR Online, June 23rd, 2007.

I am outraged reading the news above. How could anyone act so damm cruel is really beyond me.

Looks like money rule this Malaysian mind. Compassion and kindness must have took the backseat that day. I remembered another similar case just few weeks ago where a private hospital refused to admit an elderly woman who was beaten until the son put up a huge amount of money as deposit. The woman ended up dead on her way to a government hospital. And its not the first time it happened.

Dont tell me the clinic/ doctor have exhausted all reasonable way to get what was owed? I am quite sure, if the parents have enough money, they would have paid. The baby was only 3 day's old for God's sake. And on top of that, the newborn was left sleeping on a weighing scale!

I cant imagine what the mother must have felt to be separated from her baby. I cannot but think about the helpless father who must wonder how he's going to find money to pay the clinic so that his baby can be released. I am overwhelmed with sadness thinking about the baby.

To the doctor/ clinic I'll say: May you rot in the deepest hell!

THE REASON

2007-06-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

After reading my blog, a friend smsed me.

"Beb, why kutuk sangat KJ tu, ko jeles ke". (Why you said bad things about KJ? Are you jealous?). I didn't reply.

Nope, its not because I cant take criticism. I was in a meeting. And for the whole day I was stuck doing this paperwork. I just got back from the office.

Anyway, let me stress this one fact. No, I am not jealous of KJ. Who is he anyway? I am not competing with him. But the thing is, if he is a successful corporate figure, or a well known athlete, or a famous academician, I wont give a shit about him (Seriously, I think Malaysiakini wont give a shit, either).

KJ, on the other hand, is a politician. He's young, ambitious and brilliant. There, I'll be the first one to admit that. 31 years old and he's already become the deputy youth chief. People will say, that its because of his FIL (father in law) influence. Sure, I'll admit that too, being connected to big guns does have its benefit, but who doesnt anyway? He's not the first one. Look at the DPM. Won his first election uncontested after the death of his father at a very young age of 23 years old because his father was the PM.

Of course, I do not agree with some of KJ's antics, especially the stupid ones. And I wont comment on things that I am not sure or dont know about. Let other people do that.

I realize one day, KJ might lead us, whether we like it or not. Perhaps by criticising him of his wrong doings will drill some sense in his head and make him realize that he cannot take things for granted. He got to watch it. If we dont do this, our next generation of leaders will repeat the same thing of what are wrong nowadays.

That my friend, is why I kutuk KJ.

OF KJ10Q: AN UPDATE

2007-06-22T06:06:00.001+08:00

Anonymous alerted me in his comment that it was reported in Malaysiakini, KJ has settled his summonses totaling RM 1,740.00 and not RM 5,100.00 as previously mentioned.

And I thought it ends there.

No way brother.

It gets better.

Further checks by Malaysiakini shows that 10 of the offences were committed after KJ's driving licence expired since Oct 21, 2006. KJ when asked about this, told Malaysiakini that he was unsure whether what was reported is true and promised to check it out with JPJ.

I really dont think its necessary for KJ to go to JPJ and enquire about his driving licence status. Its really very simple, just take a look at the current onela. If it's expired, only then you go to the JPJ and asked them to correct their online records. What's so difficult about that?*Sigh*. After all, its easy to renew driving licences, even his balachis can do it.

The bigger picture here, as a public figure and the SOL of the PM, it is expected for KJ to show good examples, like strictly follow the law of the land.

It may seem like a small thing, but imagine, if KJ does not respect the law, how could we expect him to run a country?

Malulah sikit, beb.

OF YASMIN AND THE TELEPHONE

2007-06-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

Ring, ring.

I picked my office phone. "Hellowp". Silence on the other end.
Clicked.
I put the phone down.

Ring, ring.

Picked up the phone again. "Hello? ". No answer.
Clicked.
I was getting irritated. Put the phone down again.

Ring, ring.

Again, picked up the phone. I decided not to say anything.

Male voice : "Umm, Hello".
Akula :"Yes, can I help you?"
Male voice: "Is Yasmin there?"
Akula: "Yes, just a sec".

I waited a few seconds before replying while covering the mouth piece with my hand.

Akula : "She's on her way. BTW, did you call just now......... twice?".
Male Voice: " Emm, yes, I did".
Akula : "Why didnt you answer when I said hello, man?"
Male Voice : "Well, your voice is not what I expected to hear. This is Yasmin's direct line, right?"
Akula : "Dude, at least you should asked if you are not sure, right"
Male, in a I-am-bored voice: "Whatever,.... now, can you put Yasmin on?"
Akula : "Hey asshole, you got the wrong number, this is my direct line and there's no f**king Yasmin here!"

Slammed the phone down.

I dont understand why people like to do that. Just asked if its the correct number. Acting like an idiot with self confidence issues wont help at all.

I was completely satisfied for making that guy wondered whether, he really got the wrong number and Yasmin was really not there, or he irritated me so much that I refused to pass the line to Yasmin.

Either way, its not my concern.

RELIGIOUS PASSION AND COMPASSION

2007-06-20T19:40:00.000+08:00

A good piece written by Winged Acrophobic.

CODE OF ETHICS FOR MPS

2007-06-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

The Code of Ethics for MPs, among others, aims to provide a set of disciplines and guidelines that must be adhered to by the MPs whether in the august house or outside.

Mohamed Nazri, who is also Deputy Chairman of the Select Committee, said the Code of Ethics would enable all cases of ethics violation by MPs to be discussed and investigated by Standing Committee on the Code of Ethics for MPs instead of being debated in the house.

It will also enable members of the public to lodge complaints on irregularities committed by MPs in discharging their responsibilities.

Meanwhile, Acting Chairman of the Backbenchers Club (BBC) Datuk Raja Ahmad Zainuddin Raja Omar, who is also a member of the Select Committee, denied that the setting up of the committee was due to the increasing cases of ethics violation by MPs. - Source - Bernama. 19 June 2007.

I wouldnt jump up and down reading this news piece. In my opinion, they can create a whole lot of Code of Whatever, but if the MP's themselves are not sincere to follow the guidelines, honestly I dont think it will work.

MP's should mind their language and behaviour all the time and failing to do so just shows how irresponsible they are.

By the way, this article did not mention what kind of punishment will be given to those MPs who violates the Code of Ethics. In this case, I would like to suggest to the Select Committee to consider rotan punggung (public caning), ketuk ketampi and lari keliling (run around) Parliament as penalty.

They are a bunch of grown up school boys anyway.

PERRRHHH! POWER!

2007-06-18T21:58:00.001+08:00

If you miss this in todays newspaper, a man named Jaja Stone (yes, thats right) did a stunt by pulling a 8.9 tons bus with his penis for 50 metres. Only in Indonesia.

I was wondering what interests the crowd more, Mr. Jaja Stone or his penis since from the pic above, it looks like they're eyeing the bad boy downstairs. But maybe thats my imagination.

I cannot help but wonder how Mr. Jaja Stone's wife felt that night. :)

Source: Utusan Malaysia - 18/6/2007

FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS

2007-06-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

“It is not the Prime Minister's intention to allow the freedom to be breached and for questions to be raised on the fundamental rights of Malaysians under our social contract.”

“It (freedom) was also not granted to the media to raise sensitive issues relating to religion and the rights of any particular race.”

I am not a lawyer, but I find its hard to believe that the Prime Minister is the sole authority to decide on what we can and we cannot do. Correct me if I am wrong but arent fundamental rights guaranteed by the Constitution and not the social contract (whatever that is)? And since when we uphold social contract as the supreme law of Malaysia?

Seriously, I can see the need of the media to practice self censorship, but I dont agree with the word granted. Fundamental rights is not granted, it is our rights to start with. In my view, laws and regulations are formulated to protect that fundamental rights, not to deter it.

About the social contract, it has been mentioned time and again, but what I want to know is, who made the social contract and when and by whom? Our previous leaders? Or was it forced upon us by our former colonial masters? And if our former leaders jumped in a hole full of horse shit yelling yippykaye motherf**ker, shouldnt we by now, after 50 years of Independence starts to clean up that shit, or should we just continue emitting horse shit smells forever?

BTW, the quote above is from another ignorance Minister, as ignorance as another Minister who few years back proposed a multi million RM training facilities for Malaysian athletes in the UK, which however hard I tried, failed to see the sanity of the proposal.

My intelligence is truly being asaulted.

OF VIPS

2007-06-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

PHUKET 1996.

A VVIP was scheduled to embark from a cruise ship at one of the many beach in Phuket. It was a hot day. Earlier I had to drive for 7 hours from Songkhla to Phuket for the VVIP visit. His visit programme is to embark from the cruise ship (its from Port Klang) and proceed to Phuket International Airport for a flight to Andaman.

I arrived at the beach and saw the cruise ship mooring. I went through the checklist of things that needs to be done in my head. Everything looks good. I studied the surroundings. Suddenly it dawned on me that everybody else on the beach is half naked, and my boss and I were the only one with full suit, sweating profusely. Damm it. I stood there motionless, trying to act that wearing a suit, on a hot day, on the beach, surrounded by half naked tourists is a normal, everyday thing.

I could see puzzling faces around me. One of them, a blonde and stunning girl, braved the awkward situation and asked me "So, who's coming dude?" I replied, "Its the VVIP, from Malaysia". "Thats really cool". She said "but I pity you guys, dont you wish you are without that suits, here on this beach". I said. "Appreciate your concern, but dont worry, though, I'll be hitting the beach right after this".

The VVIP came ashore and we whisked him away to the airport. My job done, still wearing my suit, I went straight to the beach, meet up with the girl and got her room number. We went for a nice dinner that evening and I ended up staying in Phuket for another 2 days with her.

Its really strange, but guys with full suit on a hot day at the beach really attracts hot girls attention.

Thank you Mr. VVIP sir.

OF MY COUSIN'S WEDDING

2007-06-16T00:52:00.000+08:00

Last Friday night, I went to my first major kenduri since I got back from overseas. I was expected anyway, all my aunts, uncles and relatives will be there.

Its somewhere in Cheras and from my place, I estimated that it will only take about 30 minutes. I was familiar with the area since I have lived there, before I went abroad. But I got lost (as expected). In addition there is the weekly pasar malam in full swing, blocking the access road, and after 2 hours of guessing and cursing, I finally arrived at the place.

The night was blessed with really heavy pouring rain.

The Akad Nikah

The akad ceremony, the Imam, surrounded by hordes of self appointed photographers, (me included), relatives and friends of the couple, gave advise and tips on marriage life to the groom. Everybody were giving their utmost attention to the khutbah nikah and everything was quite. No sounds or voices were heard when suddenly a loud ringing sound broke the silence. We look at each other's faces, wondering who the hell did not switch off their handphones. Then I saw the Imam, sheepishly took out his handphone and said "Maaf ye, saya punya" and proceed to answer the incoming call "Ha, saya tengah nak nikah orang ni, ok, ok. Kang saya call balik, lepas ni la". The crowd broke into laughter. Even the nervous groom. Continuing the ceremony, the groom successfully said his lafaz nikah in one go.

I saw an aunt outside the house, standing under an umbrella with another cousin holding a white t shirt. I asked them "What are you doing with the t shirt?" The aunt replied "To throw on the roof la, petua stopping the rain tomorrow. You stayed overseas too long until you dont remember your petua already ha?" Ribbing me. "As far as I know, you have to hang chilies, not throwing t shirt" I said. "Chilies already done la, this is another petua, orang oversea oi", she shot back as she instructed my cousin to do it. They threw that poor t shirt up the roof.

The Wedding Day

I could see black clouds in the sky. People started to come at 11.oo am. The crowd grew bigger by the hour. My cousin looks great in her traditional Malay wedding dress. I congratulate the newlyweds and went around to meet up with my relatives.

Yes, the celebrity Chef Ismail is one of the relative, and he's the family's caterer. You can see him in the photo below singing his heart out, belting one after another of yesteryears hit.

At around 3.00 pm, after no more guests arrived, it rained as if on cue. Guess the the chilies and t shirt does work after all. See the photo below, dishwasher boys happily washing the dishes in the rain.

I thought to myself, those kids running around were babies, when I left Malaysia 11 years ago. My uncles and aunts looks a bit older and wiser. Cousins were married and have their own babies now. And they still hang chilies to stop the rain plus the new tshirt petua of course.

But teasing, ribbings and petua still remains as ever as part of the kenduri's charm and magic.

All those years abroad, I guess I've missed all the fun.

OF MY NESCAFE TARIK

2007-06-15T12:17:00.000+08:00

You guys did this to me. My PC screen is splattered with my RM 1.20 Nescafe Tarik. And so is my shirt. I couldnt believe the statistic on my screen. As of 12.18 pm today, this blog was access for 143 times! Thats a record for a newbie like me! Usually, it will be around 40- 60 visit per day. Here's the stat.

Last Hour 36
Today 143

Thank you so much for visiting. I am really happy to know people do read what I wrote. And the best thing is, you dont have to agree with me. Once again thanks a million. And please do put up your comments.

With that said, you guys still owe me a Nescafe Tarik . (Oh, and a new shirt). :)

GOOD NEWS FOR MISTRESSES

2007-06-15T07:27:00.000+08:00

Men beware! If you think you can get away leaving your mistresses just like that, after cohabiting with her, think again. Mistresses do have rights. This landmark decision should serve as a wake up call to all men, wife's and mistresses alike.

I will not be surprised if mistresses starts flocking to the court as the result of this ruling.

Men will tremble, woman will have added arsenals in the ever bitter gender war.

Now, what about those toyboys?

From The Star News Online
Mistresses have rights, too

By RAPHAEL WONG

PUTRAJAYA: Women, including mistresses, have rights in modern-day society and therefore should not be treated as chattel, the Court of Appeal ruled in a landmark decision.

Justice Gopal Sri Ram said following an English case law in 1858, the English courts at that time did not recognise the rights of women as they were then only considered as chattels.

However, he said the concepts in equity were not carved in stone and have since evolved according to the circumstances of contemporaneous society.

“Otherwise, women will have no rights at all today.

“Do you think in this day and age we should apply principles relevant to society, which treat women as chattels? It would be a retrogressive step.”

He said this in a landmark decision that unanimously allowed babysitter Heng Gek Kiau's appeal against a High Court decision to order her to transfer a single storey semi-detached house in Taman Sri Skudai, Johor Baru to her then lover Goh Koon Suan.

The High Court then had declared that Goh, a wealthy Singaporean businessman, was the owner of the property and that his mistress Heng had only held it in trust for him.

Justice Sri Ram, who sat with Justices Zainun Ali and Hasan Lah, said the decision in this case was “ground breaking” as this was the first time a court of law has ruled that a mistress has rights.

The Court of Appeal, in setting aside the High Court's orders, ordered Goh, 72, to pay costs.

The appellate court judges also ordered that Goh release the house's title deed to Heng and remove a private caveat he had lodged on that property.

In his statement of claim, Goh stated in 1968, that he met Heng, an Indonesian illegal immigrant then and five years later he cohabitated with her.

He claimed in 1980, after she had become a Malaysian citizen, he bought the house but kept the title deed with him.

Heng claimed that Goh bought her the house but throughout her stay, she had maintained and paid for all the utilities including the land assessment rate and the quit rent.

OF KJ10Q

2007-06-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

I was driving in Putrajaya the other day, leisurely. A black SUV suddenly zoomed past me really, really fast.

No nothing happened to me.

I glanced at the car and noticed the plate number. I usually do not pay attention to those cars who wants to overtake me. But this one really caught my attention. I said to myself, hmmmm, thats something else. The things is, in Putrajaya, you'll find all the XIII NAM, the PUTRAJAYA, DC and CC, the SUKOM, X OIC, XI ASEAN, BAMbee plate number. This car is unique in the sense that it doesnt carry any of the one I mentioned above. Instead, it bears the number KJ10Q.

I asked my colleague about it. "Man, you've been out of this country for so long, you are so out of touch. It belong to the Prime Minister son in law la. KJ stands for Khairy Jamaluddin, 10 Q is thank you. The story goes, someone gave him the plate number as a thank you gesture". He said. " Ok, its cool". I replied.

Actually, I really dont care much about what kind of plate number people want to use. Its his car's anyway, and if he wants to put a billboard size plate number that says, I AM THE PM'S SOL (son in law) I couldnt care less either.

So that's that, I thought.

Until I read Malaysiakini just now. It was reported in Malaysiakini, KJ has outstanding summons for various traffic offences amounting to RM 5,100.00. Guess for what car? The SUV KJ10Q la, what else. (He owns few others which were also issued with tickets). It was confirmed by KJ himself in an SMS to the enquiring Malaysiakini reporter. (Sorry cant link to the article. You have to subscribed to read it, and I wont give you my password, hehehe).

So what do we have here?

An ambitious, brilliant young politician who aims to be the youngest Prime Minister or just a speed junkie who dont give a damm about respecting the law?

TRIBUTE TO MAT AWET

2007-06-13T00:02:00.001+08:00

News Flash

Check out tribute to arwah Mat Awet by Winged Acrophobic.

-Akula-

OF GIRLS, LOVE AND DUNHILL CIGARETTES

2007-06-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

I am an addicted smoker. I admit that. I like to pollute my lungs with nicotine and that’s that.

Before you guys (those who doesn’t smoke) are going to jump up and down, feeling the need and craving to lecture me on how bad smoking is for my health, let me tell you this, I know, I understand and I get it. These days, who doesn’t anyway.

I don’t know if I am generalizing here, but girls usually don’t like men who smoke. Like KA, a girl I used to date. One day, she gave me an ultimatum to choose between her and my cigarettes. I told her without hesitation “Cigarettes with a big, towering capital C’. She dumped me. I am cool with that.

The thing is, with relationship, for me at least, its not about cigarettes. Its got nothing to do with the fact that I chose Dunhill (London, Paris, New York) over a beautiful, sweet and charming girl. Its not about that. The way I figured, if she could not look pass my hazy self, then she don’t know me at all.

I always protect my freedom. As you guys know, I have been living by myself (I mean with friends) since I was in secondary school. To be free to make my own choices and decisions is sacred to me. If a girl thinks that she can budge into my life and take control of what I should or shouldn’t do, think again. She can find someone else for all I care. No hard feelings.

A girl should trust me enough and let me make my own decision to quit. Not forcing it. Changes should come from within oneself. Of course, a supportive girlfriend does help.

I am all for watching sunsets, hold you in my arms (with a cigarette in my hands of course), all the romantic stuff. That’s for sure.

Wouldn’t it be romantic if I could say “Hey you know, I am killing myself with this. I am quitting right now (action: throw away the cigarette) because I love you. I want to grow old together……with you”.

Hahaha. You wish!.

OF SREBRENICA'S MASSACRE

2007-06-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

Finally, after 11 years, the Dutch Government and the UN have to answer about their role in allowing the Srebrenica's massacre to happen. In court.

A friend of mine, Hasan (a Bosnian) came from Srebrenica. I met him in Zagreb's mosque in 1998 which were (and still are) the focal point of the Muslim population in Zagreb. He's a refugee and was lucky enough to escape with his life when it happened. His father, all his male siblings and relatives were killed in that massacre.

I cant imagine how people like Hasan deals with the tragedy everyday for the rest of his life.

Hopefully, as a Malaysian, I dont have to.

Just a year before that, between April and July 1994, in a short period of 4 months, an estimated 800,000 people were killed in Rwanda. The UN Secretary General acknowledged UN failure in 1998 to prevent the genocide. It's endless.

Photo : www.tve.org/lifeonline/

I HATE THESE PEOPLE......

2007-06-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

There are 3 kinds of people that I hate:-

1. People who dont know shit about me and yet try to give me advice on how to live my life.

2. People who tried to force me to believe in what they believe.

3. People who whine.

No 1

"Akula, I think its not proper for you to wear Indonesian batik to the function, you should instead wear Malaysian batikla. Not nice you know, you are a Malaysian, you should be proud of yourself as Malaysian". Somebody told me when I was about to go to my Indonesian friend's wedding when I was abroad. Actually this guy like to comment on everything, my car, my job, my ehem *cough* even though he just met me. I was patience enough with him for a while but on that day, I was really annoyed. So I shot back at him "Who the f**k are you? My mother?". Needless to say, he stop badgering me after that and I didnt meet him again.

Regret? None whatsoever.

No 2

A friend told me how he witnessed a woman who is so religous and can make precious stones appear out of thin air. He is a Malay and of course a Muslim by the way. He prays 5 times a day, never falter in fulfilling his obligation to God. A good man. He then asked me "You dont believe me, do you?". I replied. "Not a word". "Well, its true, I saw this with my own eyes, it happened right in front of me" He tried to convince me. " Yeah, man, whatever" I was bored like hell. He then proceed to tell me that he learned silat as a young man and his guru silat taught him ilmu kebal. "But that is only for self defence, not for showing off. That is why I have to strictly perform my daily prayers everyday or I will loose it".

So I poured a box of thumb tacks on his seat while he was not looking. "YEEEEOOOOOWWW!" he screamed and jumped from his chair. " I just said to him "Bro, you're really loosing your ilmu kebal. Better pray harder, man".

He quit being a friend.

No 3

"Akula. I spent many years doing my job as best as I could, and my company dont even recognise my contribution, who am I anyway, I am not a high flyer like them, I think I dont even exist in their eyes and I slaved myself for them". He kept on whining like a small child who wanted his ice cream. I told him "Could you please snap out of it and act like a 46 years old man?".

I greeted the silence with open arms.

*silat - Malay martial arts

guru silat - the silat master

ilmu kebal - the ability to be invincible, knife, bullet wont harm your body

THE PRIME MINISTER GOT MARRIED, SO WHAT?

2007-06-09T20:52:00.000+08:00

That's right. So he's married. So what? People got married all the time. Nothing unusual about that.

"Well, he is The Prime Minister, for God's sake!". You may say.

I know that.

For me, its just like when Siti Nurhaliza married Dato' K. Yeah, so?

I dont see the point at all, the big hu ha in sensationalizing the news. Now let see, what will come out of this? At the end of the day, after all the excitement died down, do we see any changes in the social, political and economic scenario? None. Nothing. Except that maybe people will buy more newspapers, perhaps 3 or 4 instead the usual one. All for the same line, same story. Even Tun Mahathir's obligatory response was blown up as if its a big thing by the media. What la?

However, I do miss the ever popular response from the Prime Minister whenever he was asked about those who criticise him, be it on his governing styles, on IDR or on other issues, " We have a lot of work to do". I didnt read such comments anywhere this time. Ah, well, maybe he's so happy and in love.

I do think however, that the next General Election is around the corner. Considering all the facts, the feeeeelllll goooood feelings as pictured by mainstream media's plus this piece of news of the Prime Minister got married, I dare say its upon us.

As the ever proud Malaysian, I wish you Mr. Prime Minister, Sir.. Congratulations!.

But that is all you'll get from me. Nothing more.

IN DEMAND!

2007-06-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

It was reported in The Star today that Penang is being invaded by transvestites from Thailand, apparently to meet demands. And this occurred because foreign prostitutes were forced to go into hiding after frequent crackdowns by the authorities.

I was flabbergasted by this piece of news. Talk about being logic. Won't the customers notice the difference? Imagine a customer after paying the agreed price, follows the girl to the room, suddenly notice something " What's that hanging from under your belly?". Man, I really dont know what to say.

But then, I won't blame the vice syndicates for thinking they could pull it off, if those imported ones looks like Miss (Huh?) Thanyarasmi Siraphatphakorn, the current Miss Tiffany Universe, Thailand.

I must confessed that Miss (huh? again) Thanyarasmi looks every bit like a dream girl.

Lust is a weird thing, I supposed.

THE BROTHERHOOD

2007-06-08T13:55:00.000+08:00

We were young. All 131 of us were sent to this school by our parents, hoping their children will someday be successful in life.

So begin our life in a residential school. We learn how to survive without the supervision of our parents. We did errands for our seniors and took the bullying like a man. That’s what we’re supposed to be anyway. In those days, forget about going to the teachers and wardens as they will tell us that we should grow up and tough it out. Its tradition. Our seniors told us. One day we will do the same thing to our juniors.

We adjusted well and embraced the fact that we will be there for a long five years. Throughout the journey, a few of us had to leave school for all sort of reasons. We continue to learn about the facts of life, surviving, having fun and absorbed all things the school thrown to us.

We grew up leaving the school with enough experiences and education to last us a life time. And through it all we stuck together.

Years passed and we were scattered all over finding our role to play in this life. Contacts were lost and renewed, reunions held now and then. A lot of us made it, some are captains of industry, hot shot lawyers, bankers, doctors, diplomats, civil servants, corporate figures, engineers, businessman, politicians, world known travelers, pilots, all up and coming names in their chosen professions.

We had lost one in this life’s journey and we lost another just last Tuesday. We grieved and went to his funeral, offering our condolences to the family. We talked about the old days, and how he touched each of our lives. We said our prayers.

We were there not as what we are everyday in our professional lives.

Instead, we were there as brothers, bidding farewell to one of our own.

AL FATIHAH

2007-06-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

Goodbye brother
For you are going to a better place

Goodbye brother
Your parents and families will miss you

Goodbye brother
Our heart are full of sorrow for your wife and daughter you left behind

Goodbye brother
You touched our life

Goodbye brother
Sadness hung around us

Goodbye brother
Our tears, we shed for you

Goodbye brother
Our feelings shattered, our emotions tattered

Goodbye brother
We'll mourn your passing

Be at peace brother
Our prayers are with you

We love you brother
Forever and always

This post is for you, dear friend and brother.
Ku Petik Bintang-bintang 82-86
June 6, 2007

LONG LIVE THE KING! by The Sworn Knights of The Durian Order

2007-06-05T12:39:00.001+08:00

If you dont know this already, a Thai scientist, Songpol Somsri, has succesfully bred odorless durians as was reported in International Herald Tribune.

Odorless durian? Has Khun Songpol gone MAD? Durian without smells is like a McDonalds without the Ronald guy, Pirates of the Carribeans without Captain Jack Sparrow and Saudi Arabia without its oil! What is he thinking?

Enough discriminatory rules have been imposed everywhere to restrict the durian's freedom of movement. NO DURIANS ALLOWED. Hotels, public transports, airports all of them are conniving with their evil plans to limit its rights. Even the public are not spared in these places. Try mentioning the word durian, and you will draw dirty looks and suspicious stares from the security, ready to deploy their rapid anti durian squad.

The once majestic durian existence is now being reduced to appear only in fruit stalls, roadsides and wet markets.

And now this? Khun Songpol, how could you cruelly assasinate the soul of the beloved King of Fruits? Don't you realize, the smell is what makes a durian, ..........durian?

I call upon all my durian loving brethren. Fight now. The end is near.

Khun Songpol. You'll be damned.

*Khun - Mister (Thai)

EDUCATION FUNDING HEROES

2007-06-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

No, these naked guys are not from animal rights group which pictures will be more pleasing to the eye.

These are Uni students in the Philippines who choose to go naked and ran in the streets as a form of protest to the Government for not providing enough funds to education.

Naked butt noble intention indeed.

Picture's source : BBC NEWS ONLINE

HOW TO MARRY A MALAYSIAN 1 : IN MALAYSIA

2007-06-02T17:17:00.000+08:00

New post on marriage.

OF MALAYSIAN CITIZENSHIP

2007-06-02T06:42:00.000+08:00

I met a lot of ex Malaysians during my time abroad, who gave up their Malaysian citizenship and acquire the citizenship of their adopted country. When I asked, why they made that choice, their answers range from for the sake of their children’s education, to live a better life and because of the fact that they were married with foreigners. I truly respect and admire their sacrifice for the sake of their better future in life.

Then, there were those whose reasons was that, so they can enjoy the best of both worlds, since their adopted country allows dual citizenship. I am cool with that too, but I did advised them Malaysia doesn’t allow dual citizenship and if they were found to have another country’s citizenship while they are in Malaysia by the authorities, their Malaysian citizenship will be revoke.

I also did meet a few ex Malaysian who renounced their Malaysian citizenship so that they can withdraw their EPF savings.

Words just escape me, whenever I heard that kind of reply. But I guess maybe they really were desperate enough.

Some of them, who are now retired, asked me how to get the Malaysian citizenship back because they want to go back and live in Malaysia. When I enquired why, they said they want to spend their remaining life in Malaysia and as a Malaysian. I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s a very difficult and long process and the fact that they were once a Malaysian doesn’t help them in anyway. “There is this Malaysia My Second Home Programme, you know, maybe you could look into that”. I told them.

Renouncing a citizenship of any country is a serious matter. Giving it up demands sacrifices. And I for one, do admire the sacrifices that they made.

But not for EPF savingslah, please.

OF BOOKS

2007-05-31T22:43:00.000+08:00

I received an email asking me what kind of books that I read.

The truth is, I dont know, I do not categorize books. For me as long it can command my interest, its a good book. Frankly, I will avoid putting up a post that contain a list down of whatever, but in this case since I was asked to, here it is. Books that I enjoyed reading.

1. My Side of History - Chin Peng

2. Che Guevara, A Revolutionary Life - John Lee Anderson

3. Foley Is Good - Mick Foley

4. Birds Without Wings - Lousie de Bernieres

5. Bridge on the Drina - Ivo Andric

I have to mention Pramoedya Ananta Toer's Buru Quartet too.

There.

SCAM 2 : THE F**KING NAZA KIA INSURANCE AGENT

2007-05-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

I am pissed like hell.

Back in December last year I bought a new car from Naza KIA. Since it was at an offer price, I have to buy the insurance from the appointed company, which is a subsidiary of Naza itself. I thought everything is okay and taken care off. An open cover note for the car insurance was given to me by the insurance agent dated 18 December 2006. The company which covered my car is Kurnia. I tried to get discounts for my NCB (No Claim Benefit) from my old car but was promised that in two weeks they will sent a cheque for the difference.

5 months had passed.

Last week, I contacted my bank to enquire about the my car insurance policy and was told that they did not received any. I then called Kurnia and to my surprised my car registration number is not in their system.

I suspected something was wrong and asked about how the system works from a friend of mine who is also an insurance agent. He told me that the insurance agent (in this case the Naza KIA subsidiary) have to pay money to Kurnia first and only then Kurnia will sent in my policy. He also told me that since insurance agent will only earn 10% from the insurance they sell, what they will do is to book an insurance policy with Insurance Company and instead of immediately paying the company, they will hold the money with them and keep it with them first. This is a calculated act and the insurance agent hopes that the car buyer will forget about it since if the buyer claimed NCB, it means the insurance agent will get less. For example, my car insurance (first party) is about RM 2,000.00 plus. If I claimed NCB I just have to pay about RM 900.00. I dont remember exactly the percentage, but the bottom line I will pay less with the NCB and because of that the insurance agent will earn less too. 10% of RM 900.00 instead of 10% of 2,000.00. And usually they'll keep the money and will wait until the last moment of the stipulated expiry date before proceeding to pay Insurance Company what they owed.

Armed with this information, I called FS Trading in Ampang, the company which I bought my car from. I asked about my insurance policy and told them I contacted Kurnia, and my car registration is not in the system. I warned them if by Monday 28 my car is still not in Kurnia's system, I will make a police report and literally yelled at the lady, "I will f**k you in the ass". (Not that I like ass that much, its more a figure of speech, okay).

I didnt do anything until today. I called Kurnia HQ to lodge a complain. They passed me to a lady, Miss Rashidah in the policy department. I gave my car registration number and LO AND BEHOLD its in the system. I asked her when the policy was registered and she told me it was on Monday, May 28th! I then proceed to interview her. I asked her what the f**k is wrong with Naza KIA,its insurance subsidiary and Kurnia. She explained that since it was a promotion, the insurance agent only managed to send their cheques on Monday. I cut her off and told her how convenience it was for them (the insurance agent) to find time and pay the money for my car insurance first out of thousands of cars that was sold during the last 5 months periods. And the fact that it was paid right after I told FS Trading I will report this matter. I asked her on how long it will usually take to issue an insurance policy of a new car from the day its registered with JPJ. She told me it takes only about 2 weeks. I then sarcastically remarks, "Hmm..... then how come my car took 5 long months and the fact that if I didnt take the initiative, it still wont be in Kurnia's system". She just fumbled with her answers.

She offered to post my car insurance policy to my house and faxed the copy to me. I thanked her and told her that I will still report this matter to the police.

BTW, I received the fax copy of my car insurance policy in one hour's time. Oh well, thank you f**king much motherf**ker.

I will still go to the police station tomorrow.

SARAJEVO

2007-05-30T00:17:00.000+08:00

Winter 1999. My crazy ass friend, Damir asked me one weekend. "Dude. what are you doing this Saturday?" I replied "Nothing man, but I planned to shovel my driveway" (which was packed with snow). "Why dont you follow me?" he said. "Where to?" I asked. "Sarajevo". The city I lived was Zagreb, Croatia and it's about 6 hours drive to Sarajevo.

A bit of history lesson here. Republica Sprska and Federation of Bosnia Herzegovina are 2 different political entities that made up Bosnia Herzegovina. You know the rest.

At that time, peace is still fragile and war in the Balkans could erupted again anytime. What the heck, I thought, I always wanted to go to Sarajevo.

So I said to Damir “Do you actually realize that you are a Croat and I am a Muslim?" He dismissed my concern right away and replied jokingly. “Yeah, yeah, I hate you and the Serbs, you hate me and the Serbs and the Serbs hate us both” I replied “Just making sure you are sane, man”. (To clarify, I dont hate Damir and Serbians)

Packing a few things, foodstuff in case we are going to be stranded, warm clothes since it’s winter we took off in his old Audi. I was concerned about our safety, since it was only just five years ago Serbs, Croats and Bosnian were at each others throat. But whatever worries I have I kept it to myself.

Luckily, nothing happened during the journey. I was overwhelmed to be in Sarajevo. Saw a lot of half standing buildings forever engraved with bullet holes. Damir drove us to his uncle’s place, a house that was already past its glory. “This is my uncle, and the wife is Serbian”. They invited us in and we were served local delicacies including the famous burek. I asked Damir if they lived by themselves. “2 sons were killed during the war, and a daughter migrated to Australia” I didnt know what to say to them and offered my condolences.

The next morning, Damir took me to Sniper’s Alley where running civilians were singled out and killed by snipers, the open air market where 66 Muslims and Serbs were killed by a shell and wounded 200 more while shopping for their daily groceries and the Holiday Inn Sarajevo where journalists camped and covered the war.

I met Serbians, Bosnian and Croats and every single one of them have stories to tell about the war. Translated by Damir, I just listened intently without saying anything.

On our way back to Zagreb, I told Damir that I couldn’t tell the difference between Serbian, Bosnians and Croat by looking at their faces. Damir sighed and said “Before the war, I can’t either” .

I was lost in my thought and felt overwhelmed by the experience. How could it be, here in Sarajevo, people of the same race, with the same physical appearances, speaking the same language, though differed in their religion mercilessly slaughter each other ?

I remembered being grateful that I am a Malaysian.

However, I also remembered thinking, if this happened in Malaysia with its 3 different major races, with contrasting physical appearances, and with each races practicing different religion, Sarajevo will definately be pale in comparison.

HOW TO GET MARRIED IN THAILAND 3

2007-05-27T18:35:00.000+08:00

Sorry girls and boys. I forgot to mention one fact. Some of the mosques will give the marriage cert in Yawi (local malay language). And some will give it in Thai language. To be safe, get it translated before you register your marriage in Malaysia.

LIVING AND TRAVELLING MALAYSIA

2007-05-27T07:50:00.001+08:00

I am running another blog `Living and Travelling Malaysia'. Its about advise and tips on how we as Malaysians view our world while interacting with foreigners, tourist and expat alike. If you like to contribute, you are more than welcome, just email me at blog.akula@gmail.com. If you expect me to pay for your entry, ermmm..........................sorry, naik lori. (Hahahah). No moneylah. The best I can do is add your blog as a link. If that is still not enough, sorry, naik lori, again.

Hobo dude , with his straight to your face factual sarcasm is on board. (Dude, where is it, man?)

Enough said.

I LOVE MALAYSIAN POLITICS 2

2007-05-27T00:26:00.000+08:00

A politician best buddy drop a bombshell en route to the party General Assembly that he quits. And he will bring all his supporters out with him. Looks like they wont be tennis buddies anymore.

An aid to the same politician made a statement saying that ROS rejected the appeal by the politician to contest in the party election as an attempt by the government to deter the politician to be a candidate for the party presidency and in the same breath also stated that an appeal has been made to the Home Ministry. Hmmm.... its a bit odd isn't it? Go figure. Isn't Home Ministry a government's body? So why bother appealing the decision?

The politician announced that he decided not to contest against his wife, then the second candidate announced he's not contesting too and the wife won without even sweating. Truly remarkable. WOMAN'S POWER, dude!

HOW TO GET MARRIED IN THAILAND 2

2007-05-26T07:42:00.000+08:00

The first part of this post deals with Muslim’s how to. Again, I am not available to be your guide.

The same story, you fall in love, you want to get married. Well, I forgot to mention that tips on the first post also applies to those who wanted to marry foreigners. Sorry, lupa la.

Anyway, first, get a declaration from the National Registration Department that you are single, nothing but single. The same goes for your other half. If you are a divorcee, it’s much easier. You can use the court order that nullifies your previous marriage.

When you are in Thailand, go to the Malaysian Embassy in Bangkok or The Malaysian Consulate in Songkhla and apply to register your marriage. The form should be the one which state, Pendaftaran Perkahwinan Luar Negeri (Registration of Marriage Overseas). Of course you have to bring all the necessary documents ~~plus a doctor’s report saying you are free from HIV~~. (Just kidding). Next step, nothing. Its’s done. With that Marriage cert, you are covered legally in Malaysia.

Words of advise, this tips is as true as my knowledge goes. Do make an effort to enquire from the local Islamic Authority in your place and the National Registration Department for their latest regulations.

For those who wants to marry a foreigner, the process is a little bit different and right now I am too lazy to write about it. Next time lah. Okay.

Enjoy your honeymoon.

*lupa - forget

HOW TO GET MARRIED IN THAILAND

2007-05-26T01:48:00.000+08:00

Please don’t blame me if your husband’s, wife’s, boyfriends, girlfriends, gayfriends and other people you know pack their bags and head to Thailand after reading this post. I will not accept any responsibility if that happen. And no, I am not available to be your guide.

How to get married in Thailand?. While working there, and in one of my balik kampong trip, my parents neighbor asked me this question, “Why you think they don’t want to put a stop to those who go to Thailand and get married there?” I don’t know how to answer that kind of question but offered an explanation. “Makcik, people will do anything for love, even merenangi lautan api, what more border fences” (Yeah I know, my reply was so cheesy, but that the only answer I could came up with).

Anyway, marriage services are offered by the Imam in most of the mosques over there. If it’s very difficult for you to find one, go to the one of the Muslim restaurant in Hadyai, and they will be more than willing to show you the way. Bring your passport with you. Witnesses? Don’t worry, they will be provided. Language barrier? No problem, some of them can speak Malay which is similar to Kelantanese accent.

From syara’ point of view, what you are doing is legal in Islam. I wont discuss much about this but that’s the basic thing. Mosques in Thailand fall under purview of a Provincial Islamic Authority, so the marriage cert and the marriage itself is legal and binding.

What do you do after that?

Go to Perlis. Register your marriage there. Why Perlis? The Islamic Family Law is quite lenient there compared to other states. There will be a fine imposed because you get married outside your Mukim. I maybe wrong but I think its about RM 1,000.00. Be advised, this is a very important step. You have to register your marriage in Malaysia. Otherwise all legal implication for matters like when you have children and pembahagian harta (to name a few) will be an issue afterwards. But once you register, your marriage will be recognized in Malaysia.

You will then live happily ever after………..or not.

To be continued….

* Balik Kampung - going back home

* Makcik - Auntie (Malaysians address people older than they are in respectful way, like mak cik - auntie, pak cik - uncle even if they dont have any blood relations)

* merenangi lautan api - to swim in a sea of fire (methapor)

* pembahagian harta - division of property

CATCHING UP WITH MALAYSIA

2007-05-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

Today completes a full 8 months since I moved back to Malaysia. I was abroad for 11 years since 1995.

When I first left Malaysia, the International Airport is still in Subang. I was pleasantly surprised (and confused) when I got back to this huge, majestic airport in KLIA. Of coursela I knew we have a new International Airport but to experience it myself for the first time is a different feeling all together.

Roti canai, nasi lemak and Nescafe tarik is the first thing I looked for when I arrived in my sister’s house. She was annoyed when I asked her husband to drive me to the nearest group of stalls instead of having breakfast with my family. “Oi, having breakfast outside is more important than your sister’s cooking, ha?" I replied. “Sorry sis, I just have to eat outside,…………. but I love you”. And off we went leaving her fuming mad.

I missed a lot of things that happened while I was away. Apart from family’s gathering and kenduri’s, I missed the heavy drama of Malaysian politics, KL’s crazy traffic jam and a whole lot of other things that I took for granted before.

I opened the car door on the left side, my father yelled “Woit, hang nak mampuih ka?” when I drove my car on the wrong side of the road, my mother let me have an earful when I said “Shit!” cursing the neighbors’ cat who did the digging thing in our front yard. Next, I got lost for 2 hours while searching for my office in the new township the day I reported for duty. (In my defence, it was in a totally different city when I left Malaysia back in 1995). The most bizarre thing was that I ended up in Kampung Pandan instead, when I thought I was aiming for Subang Jaya. (Don’t ask me how it happened).

Trust me, there has been a lot of changes in Malaysia.

And I still have a lot to catch up.

*Roti canai, nasi lemak and nescafe tarik - Just google it lah.

" Woit, hang nak mampuih ka?" - Do you want to die?

TV TIME

2007-05-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

Newsflash

Akula is taking a break to watch Heroes and Grey's Anatomy tonight. He will be back to his usual observing self after absorbing all the emotional feelings emitted by the two tv series.

UPDATE ON DINA ZAMAN'S I AM MUSLIM 2 PROJECT

2007-05-23T07:04:00.000+08:00

Be warned, this is a bragging entry.

My article was published in the I Am Muslim 2 blog today. That's 2, I repeat, 2 articles accepted in the project. (Muahaha).

I am still trying to find time to meet Dina. No, not to thank her.

It will be a negotiation on the payment thing. :)

OF TV AD

2007-05-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

How do I rate a succesful TV ad? Simple, an ad that have a catchy product name, that I hate so much and the one that can relate to my life.

I hate Bank Rakyat's tv ad. For a start, whenever I watch it, I feel like watching a propaganda programme, trying to brainwash me with the muhibbah feeling. All major Malaysian races are well represented, customers have no complains and the counter is manned by a well mannered man. He ducks under the counter and change his clothes at will according to the customer's race. At end of the ad, everyone is satisfied and will say good things about the bank. The current ad actually is a continuity of the previous version which ends with the lady with the scarves approached the counter, but this time she brings her government servant brother to apply for a loan. And say good things about the bank, again. Cheesy.

Mat Licin reminds me of the time when I was in boarding school. Maggie Mee is the staple food of the day. We were a bunch of hungry boys and between strictly scheduled meal times, turned to instant noodles to satisfy our ever growling appetite. Since we were barred from using pot and pans, we resorted to using those heating coil to boil water in a plastic container. Incidents like melted plastic container with red hot steel coil were common, but thats another story. Anyway back to Maggie Mee. Of course, after watching that ad, I did realized I am special too and hope to be formally endorsed and recognised by Maggie for being one of the Mat Licin, way back when eating Maggie was not cool.

On top of my list, the most succesful TV ad is the baby diapers product called PetPet. When you say PetPet out loud, it sounds just like one of many subtitute words we use to name woman's private part.

If that is not one hell of a good advertisement, I dont know what is.

*muhibbah - goodwill/ friendly feeling

Mat Licin - one who finish off everything when eating

TEH TARIK SESSION IN SESSION 2

2007-05-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

A good friend, ABH is getting married. He's engaged and by June he will be a married man. He called me just now and told me he need to see me. Right away. "Its urgent, Are you up to a teh tarik session?" he said. "Okay, I'll be there". I replied.

This is what he told me. (He's a government servant BTW). His fiance told him that her family had a discussion about the wedding arrangement over dinner. Watching the news, the father passed a remark to her "Eh, Government servant got their pay increase today, maybe you could ask him (ABH) to make the wedding a little bigger?. After all its once in a life time, you know."

Her fiance, according to ABH tried not to say anything, but her mother joined in. "Ya la, ABH can afford this now with the increment. I don't want to say anything before, since you know la, Government servant's salary is so small. I don't have the heart to ask him for bigger wedding, but now, I am sure he can afford it, its a big pay hike. Ask him okay, dear".

ABH, scratched his head, put both his hands under his chin and said. "I am a dead man. You know, actually its not that much. 35% from RM 832 is what? Its just an increase of RM 292.00. Okay, plus COLA RM 150.00 to RM 300.00. All in 392.00 and they expect me to have a bigger wedding? And no arrears this time around. The new salary will be only be paid in July. After 15 years, a raise of RM 292.00. I don't know what to do now."

I could understand his situation. Well, that's the mentality of some Malaysians, sadly. I know that ABH and his fiance save their income like crazy, (both work as clerks in the public service). On top of that, there is the hantaran, which was set at RM 5,000.00. And on top of that they got to think about the kenduri expenses. That doesn't include all the small and unaccounted expenses.

"Call it off then". I said. (Me and my unorthodox solution). "Are you crazy, man? The wedding is just a few weeks away." He looked at me as if I just asked him to kill himself.

"No I am not crazy, in fact its a great idea. Just go and meet the father, and tell him politely that you don't have anymore money for the wedding. Explain to him like you did to me about the salary increase. And blackmail him, if he insist to have a bigger wedding, you just have to call it off" I said. "But all the invitation has been sent out, preparations were made". He argued with me. "Exactly. See, you forget one thing about being a Malay. Do you honestly think the father really want to cancel the wedding after everybody in the kampung knows about it? That is air muka, man. I bet you the father wouldn't want that to happen to his family and his daughter." ABH didn't say anything and I left him alone to think.

I don't know what will he do. But it really makes me think about how materialistic the world we live in, right now.

With that kind of salary? Its not living life. Its surviving it.

*COLA - Cost of living allowance (an allowance given to civil servant to off set high cost of living)

hantaran - dowry (given by man to woman as monetary gift according to Malay custom)

kenduri - feast

kampung - village

air muka - honor/ saving face ?

MALAYSIA BOOK OF RECORDS

2007-05-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

It was reported today in BERNAMA, the Minister Of Sports and Youth will be entered as the first Malaysian Cabinet Minister and the first female Minister in the Malaysia Book of Records to visit Everest's base camp.

Well, lets start the ball rolling. Tun Mahathir as the first PM of Malaysia who set foot in Antartica, or we can go further than that, Tun Abdul Razak as the first PM of Malaysia to visit the Great Wall of China. Oooops, I forgot to mentioned that Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah as the first Malaysian PM's wife to visit Antartica. It will be a long list.

Which prompt me to google Malaysia Book of Records. Other entries worth (or not!) mentioning are The Highest Can Stacking Events, The Biggest Teh Tarik Event, First Visa Platinum Card (wtf!) and First LRT Treasure Hunt (wtf2!).

Hey, can I submit my grandmother's gobek sirih? It can be billed as the most abuse gobek sirih ever.

Come to think of it, I am sure there's lot of would be contenders in this particular category.

* gobek sirih- a cylindrical instrument used to grind betel leaves

OF CHELSEA AND MANCHESTER UNITED

2007-05-20T09:51:00.000+08:00

MR DF :"Hello Akula! WAKE UP"

Akula :"Huh, what?"

Looked at my watch. Still too early.

MR DF :"We won man, we won!"

Akula :" Okay, .....Who did?" .

MR DF :" Chelsea la"

Akula : "Okay, but you know I dont care, right?".

Mr. DF:" Just want to piss you off".

Clicked.

Damned!

I can only guess what Mr. DF is up to now. Probably calling every name in his hand phone's address book, repeating what he said to me just now. For sure he is somewhere in one of those 24 hours makan place celebrating, reminiscing and reliving every second of the game.

I don't have any issues at all with who won the FA Cup Final. I am not a football fan. And I know that Mr. DF is sharing his excitement with me although he knows that I am not into football. And I know that tomorrow he will called me again and apologised for waking me up. He will say sorry.

And I will say "This is your time man, go ahead, have your fun, enjoy it. Come Rugby World Cup this September, I'll give you hell and make you pay for every second you made my life miserable"

Really can't wait.

ALL BLACKS FOREVER!

*makan - eating

I SOLD OUT !

2007-05-20T09:05:00.000+08:00

I admit that I am weak and so I sold out. Muahahaaha (evil laugh).

THE MALAYSIAN CONNECTION

2007-05-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

In my line of work, occasionally, I have to deal with the public. I enjoy the interaction and will do my best to accomodate them. What I cant stand is those people whom I categorized as the people with the `Malaysian Connections'.

These people will spit out names like water rushing from their mouth of their connection before anything else. Which of course, will be a high ranking officials or a politicians. Dato' this, Tan Sri that. "I know Tan Sri (name censored)". They said. "Yeah sure, but you know what, I also know him. In fact who didnt?" I shot back. I dont want to be rude, but sometimes, I had enough of that shit.

One guy even threathened me by saying he will asked his friend (a Dato' of course) to complain about me in the Parliament. Sheesh!. I dared him back. "Please asked your Dato' to expedite your complain. Get this right, my name is Akula, and my IC number is 123456-78-9101. Oh, and I think you do need my address". Needless to say, he backed off.

I appreciate the fact that Malaysians are very proud if they know somebody in high places. I can also understand them, if they brag about their connections. Its human nature to brag, and I am cool with that.

But using those connection to gain favour or to push your way through? Come on.

Do me a favour. Stand up with your own merits. Because in my book, those people with their `Malaysian Connections' attitude have very low self esteem and are truly lacking in self confidence.

I am just doing my job.

IMAGINE ( ODE TO THE STUPIDS! )

2007-05-15T15:45:00.000+08:00

Imagine if you say something stupid.

Imagine your mother, who gave birth and care for you, have to defend you for being stupid, just because you are her son.

Imagine your wife, assuring herself and stays by your side, even if you are stupid.

Imagine your daughter, upon hearing your stupid remarks, feel ashamed and regret of having a moron as her father.

Imagine you, after feeling stupid for saying the stupid remarks, suddenly realized your mother, your wife and your daughter bocor too once a month!

*bocor - leak (but in this case its a metaphor for menstruate)

Link to bocor story

DOWNTOWN KLIA

2007-05-13T14:57:00.000+08:00

I came across this small `pekan' Downtown KLIA on my way to Bagan Lalang, Selangor, last Saturday. I never knew this place ever existed. It reminds me of the old two rows shophouses if you drive to the North using the old road.

Imagine if you were to send a letter to somebody there.

To : Mr. Dude, Downtown KLIA, KLIA, off Road To F1 Track, Sepang, Malaysia.

That's one cool address to have.

TODAY IS MAY 13TH

2007-05-13T10:35:00.000+08:00

Growing up, I never gave a thought about discrimination.

When I was in high school, after SPM’s results were announced, those of us Malay boys with good results, excitedly discussed about going to the University and which scholarship to apply. Not my Chinese friend. I asked him “Where you think you’ll go man?”. He just smiled and told me “I’m going to take up Form Six, and start from there”. I ignorantly asked “Why you want to go for Form Six? Your results are excellent. You even managed to get high grade in Pengetahuan Agama Islam (Islamic Education) and you don’t want to apply for University and get the scholarships? What is wrong with you?”. He said “I am not a Bumiputera, only Bumiputera will be considered man”.

After college, searching for jobs, I found an advertisement which I met all the requirements except the ability of speaking any Chinese dialects which is one of the requirement. I applied for the job anyway and manage to get an interview with the company. At the end of the interview session one of panel member told me “I am sorry, you have all the qualification we need, but unfortunately you cannot speak a single Chinese dialect. You didn’t get the job.” I pointed the obvious to them and said “You were conducting the interview in English and I think the job doesn’t require the skills of speaking Chinese ”. He just shrugged his shoulders and blurted out “ Sorry, you are not Chinese”.

In Malaysia we have sugar coated phrases like ‘preferential treatment’ and `affirmative action’ of a certain race. The truth is these things are so embedded in our society that we usually do not regard such policies and remarks as discrimination and offensive.

It could lead to outright racism if we as Malaysians continue to ignore it.

THE ADDICTION

2007-05-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

So, there I was. Nervously looked around me. Damm it,Where is he?. Earlier I received a phone call to inform me that he got what I want, as usual, and asked me to meet at the secret meeting place.

"This is not like him at all". He's late. I was getting really uneasy. I searched my thoughts and tried to remember the last meeting. Everything went smoothly. I checked my tails to see if there’s anyone following me. He did the same thing too before the meeting and reported everything is clear. No, nothing wrong last week, I assure myself.

Where the hell is he? 15 minutes has passed. Still no sign of him. Yesterday it was reported in the newspaper that the authority had raid 2 hideouts and successfully confiscated a huge amount of this thing that I desperately need. I wonder if that’s the reason why he doesn’t show up….. yet. Maybe he got his supply from these places and now he has none to sell to me. Worse still, maybe he’s been caught. If that happened, can he keep his mouth shut? I heard a lot of stories how the authority can make you reveal information. They used all sorts of torture treatment to get what they want. If he talked, then I am in deep shit.

I need to have this once a week. I am hooked on it. I guess that makes me an addict. I know its illegal but my craving need is so huge that I am willing to defy the law and the authority to satisfy myself. I’ll be restless and out of my mind if I don’t get it.

Suddenly I saw him. He was walking slowly and cautiously. Act normal, just act normal. Blend in. I willed him. I flashed my car lights twice. He pulled out a cigarette and light it. I watched him carefully. If he throws away his cigarette immediately after lighting it, it means somebody is following him and we should abandon our meeting. I saw him finished his cigarettes. I started my car, drove slowly and stop by him. Opened my window. Do you have it? Without saying anything he throws it into my front seat. I hand over the money and acting normally as we could, trying not to look suspicious, we parted ways.

I arrived safely in my house without any incident. I started to relax. I let my living room stay dark. I waited too long for this. Switch on my TV, took it out from the plastic cover and slide it into my DVD player.

“Thank God nothing happened.” I said to myself as I watched the television came to life with the illegal DVD of SPIDERMAN 3. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief, smiled and said to myself “Finally….”.

LEARNING NEW THINGS

2007-05-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

I read about what happen to the astronaut’s feces that they disposed of during space missions. Apparently they brought it back to earth to be unloaded. Imagine what will happen if an ignorant NASA scientist mistakenly identify it to be some sort of moon soil to be studied.

Nasa Scientist : Never seen this one before. (Excitedly!)
Astronaut : Feel it. It’s soft but a little sticky.
Nasa Scientist : Yeah man, you’re right. (Poking his hand into the pile). I’ll be famous if I could break it down and identify the chemical composition of this moon soil.
Astronaut : That’s my shit you stupid!

What about the urine? Well, they released it in space. Good thing there are not many space missions nowadays like it were before. One thing that I am not sure of is whether urine dissolves in space. Otherwise, it will be flooded with urine drops up there.

I also found out that oral sex is bad for you. Something to do with HPV virus contracted during oral sex can cause throat cancer. (HPV- Sorry, I am too lazy to Google it)

*Sigh*. What else are left for us to do? I couldn't help but think, what’s the fun of having sex nowadays? With new finding like this, a day will come when we will resort to satisfy our sexual needs by wanking and using vibrators.

Source: BBC News Online

THE LOVIN' FEELING (WAY TO GO DUDE!)

2007-05-09T19:27:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from The Star, 9 May 2007.

KUALA LUMPUR: He is a 97-year-old man who cannot hear very well and has lost almost all his teeth and hair, but he believes he still has the lovin’ feeling.

Retiree Yong Chai Keng feels that he can provide happiness to a 38-year-old widow he has never met before.

Yesterday, he proposed to her publicly.

Yong took a bus from Raub, Pahang, to Kuala Lumpur and met MCA Public Services and Complaints Department head Datuk Michael Chong to tell him of his intention.

“The first time he came, we turned him away, thinking he was joking. But he returned in the afternoon and a few days later.

“Personally, I do not think it is a good match, but since he sought my help, I am obligated to assist,” Chong told reporters yesterday.

The woman whom Yong fancies is Tan Yi Huan, a widow from Perak with two children aged eight and three. Tan appeared in a Chinese newspaper last August to highlight her financial plight after her husband died.

She is reportedly staying with her sister in Puchong.

Yesterday, reporters asked Yong what he could offer Tan to give her happiness. The reporter had to shout the question near his ear because he could not hear very well.

“I have my own house and rubber plantation. But the plantation belongs to my brother. I just want a fan poh (woman) to keep me company after my wife died last year,” said Yong.

His late wife died after suffering a stroke years ago. She was in her 80s.

Yong has written a letter to Tan saying that he loved her and if she wanted to contact him, she could call his daughter’s house in Kuala Lumpur.

THE `LOVIN' FEELIN' DUDE HOLDING A PHOTO OF HIS LOVE

Note : Akula admires The Dude's spirit, effort and resourcefulness in his quest for love. Akula wish him all the best and sincerely hope The Dude's lady embrace his love with open arms. Akula also think that The Dude is DA MAN.

VAMPIRES

2007-05-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

About vampires.

I love Chinese vampires. Funny looking. Arms stretched. And their mode of moving from point A to point B is hopping. Man... can they hop. But hold your breath and they cant detect you.

The old school vampire is a handsome, lustful, always wear an overcoat. Can't decide whether he need it to warm himself (well, he's dead anyway. He doesn't need to keep warm!) or just to look good.

Blade is a tough, ass kicking martial arts vampire and guess what. He can walk in the sun without turning to dust. Just like me ( I mean, the-walking-in-the-sun-without-turning-to-dust thing).

I have to admit that of all the vampires, I love Kate Beckinsale the most. Great figure. Piercing eyes and God! Those skin tight leather. She can have me for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks in between and do it all over again the next day anytime :).

PHOTOBLOG

2007-05-08T15:49:00.000+08:00

Added another link. A collection of pictures that I took. Sorry to disappoint you guys. No naked Paris Hilton in jail photo. Check it out.

OF PROSTITUTES AND PROSTITUTION

2007-05-06T10:38:00.000+08:00

As practicing Muslims, who honour all our obligation, and performed all the ibadat rituals day after day without fail, what is our first impression of a prostitute?

I posed this question to almost everybody that I know, colleague in my office, friends in teh tarik sessions, futsal team mates, religious teachers, Internet Islamic preachers and anyone I could think of.

Almost everybody told me without even blinking their eyes, prostitutes are sinful person; not afraid to incur God’s wrath; tak de kerja lain ke?, for sure a hell’s candidate; they sold their body for money; all sort of negative remarks as if they are talking about the devil himself.

I posed the next questions. "Have you ever met one? Been talking to them lately?" Their answers; Uh, no, I stayed away from them; Wouldn’t even dream of talking to them; what are you talking about, they are prostitutes for God’s sake; and the best answer of them all; “Where to find one, ah?” With eyes looking at me top to bottom as if I am Mr. Pimp himself. (I assure you that I am not).

The thing is, with prostitutes, who in their right mind wants to be one? Or were they, when asked about their ambitions by their primary school teacher, answered dreamily, when I grow up, I want to be a prostitute, Sir.

Some years back, when I was working abroad, I had an opportunity of meeting them through a good friend of mine, a Catholic priest, who runs a programme to educate former prostitute. Meeting them was an eye opener. I found them to be intelligent, brave and full of determination.

I am not trying to champion them or condone their activities. What I am trying to do, is to understand the reason why they did it. Some of them told me, they came from poverty stricken family, since their parents cannot afford to send them to school, this is what they end up doing, to earn income and financially support their parents, brothers and sisters. One of them asked me, “Do you think that I want to do this, sleeping with man everyday? I am helping my family back home, and if God wants to punish me for that, so be it. At least my family is well fed”. Another told me she was cheated into it by her uncle, and she was sold to a man who owns a brothel. She escaped and went to the police, and her family disowned her for being a prostitute rather than helping her to come back to her previous life. Feeling dejected and lost, she turns to the only thing she knew. “But this time,” she said, “its my own willing choice”.

I asked myself, why in Malaysia, nothing has been done to address this social issue? Of course, the newspaper always reported successful operations and raid by the authorities, but one glaring fact is the sometimes missing information on how many of them are locals, and always the numbers being detained are foreigners. It seems that there are no local prostitutes in Malaysia. I don’t buy that. Go to any establishment which offered massage services and you can easily engaged/ find one.

I agree, what they did is sinful. No doubt about that. But we should not judge them negatively just because that is what our community’s general view of prostitution. I asked a religious teacher, “What is Islam answer to prostitution and how to eradicate it?” I was not surprised when he went overboard with his reply, saying again and again that prostitution is sinful, haram plus the usual prostitute demonizing speech. I rephrased my question. “What if your relatives, or God forbid, your children is actively involved in vice, what would you do?” He sarcastically remarks. “Son, I am from a good family, there is no way that will happen” Seeing him still missing the point, I gave up my conversation with him.

I cannot help but wonder about our Muslim preachers. Who are their target groups? I am confident that a brothel’s Mamasan and her personnel will never make it to their list. A group of them came to my area a few months ago. They were soft spoken and polite. I asked them, “Where else have you been?” They replied “We went to this masjid, stayed in this kampong, a round trip to this place, you know.” I continued, “Did you do da’wah to drug addicts, prostitutes, Mat Rempits and the likes?” My question is met with a blank stare at first, but someone on the group offered an answer. “Encik”, with a smirk and a smart ass look on his face, “You cannot find them in the mosques and suraus.” I replied “EXACTLY.” and walk away.

I am a believer in second chances. I do wish our Muslim community, instead of forever chastising prostitutes and slap a negative label on them, we should at least engage and encourage them to leave their world. The sad thing is, no one wants to admit it as an existing social problem here in Malaysia other than treating it as a punishable crime under our laws. We don’t want to go deeper than that.

It a sad fact, but I do wish however that one day, a group of prostitute will be given the chance to jump over the North Pole like those former Mat Rempits.

THE DAY I GOT FLIPPED!

2007-05-05T09:48:00.000+08:00

How do you feel if you were flipped? Sorry, Let me rephrase that.
How do you feel if you were flipped by a woman? Hmmm... Let me rephrase that again.
How do you feel if you were flipped by 2 tudung clad woman in a day?

Yeah, you read it right. The standard, middle finger salute, universal sign of saying "F**k you!" without saying it out loud.

Man, I didnt do anything wrong at all. Not this time anyway.

FLIP NO 1

After lunch. At the parking lot in the mall. Its over crowded. Walking to my car, saw a Myvi with engine running. Dont give it much thought. Got in, and started the engine. Notice that its raining outside. Had to fetch the umbrella in the car boot. Got out of the car. Looked at the Myvi, the tudung clad woman looks furious. I thought, maybe she got pissed off waiting for her friend. Took the umbrella, got into the car again. Started reversing the car, have to wriggle my way out since the parking space is so small. Dont want to scratch the car parked beside me. Saw Myvi lady flashing her lights in my rearview mirror. What now? Ignoring her, I reversed my car. Once I am cleared, at that very moment, the Myvi burst to life, cranking up its engine and shot passed me into the empty lot. With screeching noise. What the ......? The tudung clad lady slammed her door, walk passed and flipped her middle finger. Whats that all about?. I was too amused to say anything back or reciprocate her gesture.

FLIP NO 2

After office. Driving back to my place. The road is clear. Approached a junction and flicked the signal to go right. Out of the blue a white Kancil overtook me on the leftside, sped and cut in front of me, crossing over going to the left. Slammed the brake so hard, I felt the seatbelt strained to keep me in the seat. Turned my head, shouting my list of favourite obscene word and found my eyes staring at a middle finger salute by a baju kurung, mini tudung wearing girl. She flipped me.

What's happening here? Was today somehow, tudung clad ladies cooked up a conspiracy among them and decided "Okay girls, today we are going to flip Akula. So you girls watched him, trailed him, make him mad and then give him the middle finger salute". I AM NOT THAT FAMOUS, OKAY!

Enough is enough. I cant take this anymore. So on instinct I followed the Kancil. Saw it parked in front of the mosque. Switch on my amp, pop in an Iron Maiden CD, cranked up the volume. Stop by the baju kurung, mini tudung wearing girl (could see her getting panic), slide my window down and to the loud, unforgiving tune of Iron Maiden's Bring Me Your Daughter To The Slaughter yelled, "F**k you too, asshole!" and drove away.

In retrospect, allow me to say this, I am not generalising. Dont have anything against women who wear tudung. Really. I respect their choice in fulfilling their obligation as a Muslim.

To the 2 girls above, fine, you got my attention. I am all for `the anything you can do I can do better' attitude but please do not flip your middle finger to anyone else. You might think its cool and hip but really, its buruk man.

I plead temporary insanity to the incident in front of the mosque.

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS

2007-05-05T00:07:00.000+08:00

SOMETIME IN THE NIGHT

“Hello Akula, WOI! AKULA!, Its me, Rudi. Are you awake?” Looked at my watch , 3.23 am. Answered the phone: “Huarghhhh….. who’s this?” Feeling groggy, try to keep myself awake. (Rudi is a good friend in London) Hmm okay. Fearing the worse. “What’s the matter man?” I asked him. “Nothing, I just got myself Dina Zaman’s I Am Muslim. Do you know your name is mentioned in her book?” Still trying to make sense of it all, I said “Yeah? Uh okay”. He continued “Okay, just to let you know. Now go back to sleep”. Umm. What? “Is that it, man? Your family’s ok over there?”. Rudi said “Yeap, Sure they are. That’s it.” Click.

Cant sleep after that. And its not because I am excited my name is in Dina Zaman’s book. I am of the species who cannot go back to sleep right away, after being brutally awaken in the middle of the night. Pulling myself together, sum up the conversation. Rudi called me in the dead of night, all the way from London, to inform me that my name was typed somewhere in Dina Zaman’s I Am Muslim. And there’s nothing wrong with his family. I sighed. What a friend. Love him to death.

LUNCH HOUR, YESTERDAY

Wari. Another good friend of mine.

Wari: “Hello beb”.
Akula: “What’s up?”.
Wari: “In case you don’t know it already, your name is in I Am Muslim’s by Dina Zaman.
Akula: “Yeah, another friend of mine informed me last night. Called from London”.
Wari: “How the hell he got it over there.”
Akula : “Good question, I really don’t know. Its about 3.am when he called me. Half awake at that time. Forgot to ask him”.
Wari: “ Listen. Do you have a copy of the book?”
Akula: “ No, not yet.”
Wari: “Okay, you can borrow mine if you want.”
Akula : “Its cool man, I asked another friend to buy it for me.”
Wari : “Ok beb. Bye”.
Akula : “Uh ok”.

THIS MORNING

At the office. Saw Adi, strutting, holding something in his hand. “Akula, you owe me RM 30.00” and hand over Dina Zaman’s elusive book. “FYI, You made me do this. My wife keep teasing me and cant believe her husband's buying a book!. You owe me big time, bro”

Finding out my name mentioned in a book obviously is a big thing to my friends.

I am deeply touched and truly blessed.

BTW, its on page 8.

SCAMS

2007-05-02T15:43:00.000+08:00

THE ANTI MOSQUITOES SQUAD

I was washing my car when a man, in his early twenties approached me. Looked up and studied him. He has an ID tag hanging of his pocket, white "office look" shirt and black "office look pants". No neckties. Carrying a folder of some sort. Damned! I thought. A salesman. What now?

The office look guy : "Encik, I am from company so and so, and we have been contracted to spray anti mosquito chemical here in this area".

Akula : "Yeah, so?"

The office look guy : " The cost is RM 30.00. Its compulsory. Its to kill mosquitoes"

I said nothing at first, and observed the other houses in my row. I know there are at least 3 or 4 houses which is vacant.

Akula : "Tell me, what about those empty houses, will you spray there too?"

The office look guy : "Of course not, nobody there to pay and I am sorry to say, if you dont pay, we wont do your house either" With a bored face.

Akula : "And this is to kill mosquitoes, right?"

The office look guy : "Of course, I 've told you that before". He's getting irritated.

Akula : "Ok , let me see the letter from the Municipality saying you have been contracted to do this."

The office look guy:"We dont have any such letter, but your house must be sprayed."

Akula : "It doesnt matter anyway, if I pay you, mosquitoes will still breed in those empty houses area."

I fixed my eyes, glaring at his face and in a slow, clear voice, I explained to him like I would to a 7 year old.

Akula : "You see, mosquitoes breed where ever they want. They dont need to know if I paid for your service and they won't go around knocking people's door asking questions. They will not say, show me the receipts so that we won't lay eggs at your house. Further more, I can just spray Ridsects or Shelltox in my house. Which one do you reccommend?"

The office look guy doesn't say anything else and walk away.

THE CREDIT CARD VERIFIER

I just received my new credit card.

Ring, ring. (Well, not exactly, my handphone plays Sanitarium - Metallica when it rings). Hmm..private number.

Akula : "Yep, Hellowp!"

The sweet voice lady : "Sir, are you Mr. Akula?"

Akula : "Yeah, who's asking"

The sweet voice lady: "I am from a credit card verification company and we wish to ask you to verify a credit card you recently received. I have your credit card number here with me but can you recite it to me to make sure it matched with what I have. I also need to match the last 3 digits at the back of you credit card."

I noticed that she did not mention her name.

Akula : "No I cannot do that."

The sweet voice lady : "Its really important Mr. Akula. Otherwise you cannot use your credit card."

Akula : "Sorry babe, BTW, I just want to make sure, you know, I just move back here from overseas. I dont know how you do things like this over here . Do you have a credit card?"

The sweet voice lady: "Sure, I have one"

Akula: "Did you go through the same process? Unkown people call you to verify and you gave your credit card number"

The sweet voice lady : "Of course I did that". Sense a proud-I-am-smart tone in her voice.

Akula : "Then you must be so f***king stupid. You bitch!"

She hang up on me.

I still sprayed Ridsects (sorry Shelltox) in my house. No Denggi outbreak yet in my area.

And I have no problem at all whenever I use my credit card.

PROMOTING DINA ZAMAN'S I AM MUSLIM 2

2007-05-01T17:53:00.000+08:00

I am not promoting Dina Zaman's new book I Am Muslim. No. Period. I am sure enough efforts, money and personal appearances by Dina herself have been made to do that. And I have never met her except through a few correspondences via emails.

However, I like the idea of her on going project which is to get a book publish written by you guys. The concepts and how to are define clearly in her blog I Am Muslim and I will not get into the details here. (Don't want to steal her thunder la).

When she was in malaysiakini, I had this bugging thought which I need to clear out of my head. So I wrote an article and send it to Dina's column. And she published it. I am telling you, for the whole month I felt like being on the top of the world. Nothing like getting your work published. And the best thing was, it invokes debates. Loved it.

So you guys, have a go at it. If you can talk, you definitely can write. It's just a matter of instead using your mouth, you used your hands. Your brain will still process the same output. Oh... and whatever Dina mentioned in her blog, about the need of using correct grammars, don't pay any attention to it. That is exactly why she has editors to rectify your grammar mistakes. :) On a serious note, from my personal experiences, if you worry about grammatical mistakes, it will stump the idea flows. And you'll get irritate, then you'll get mad. The same thing when you are eating. The uninterrupted process of using your hand to grab the nasik lemak, mixing it with sambal sotong and finally shoving it to your mouth is really important. Imagine while you are doing that, someone slap you at the back. All hell will break loose, right? That is what worrying about grammatical mistakes will do to your idea flow. You can correct your mistakes later, or just let Dina and her gang of editors do it for you. If you are already excellent, then the above advice is obviously not for you. Hehe.

I apologised for the preaching. I am still learning too, but what the hell, you'll never know if you don't try.

As for me, yes, I will contribute a piece of my opinion later, once I renegotiate the payment thing. :)

And Dina, if you read this, open table la. I hauled my ass off all over KL to buy your book, but at the end, still no book. Sold out. What la you.....kedekut ah?

TEH TARIK SESSION IN SESSION

2007-04-30T22:53:00.000+08:00

I had a great teh tarik session just now with my office mates. The place is a bit far from my place. Took me about one and half hour with the traffic jam. No jam, just half and hour, which is very rare. Why they chose that place, far from our office, I really don't know.

Teh tarik sessions, as usual, and in my opinion brings out our bragging nature. (No, I did not brag about filing my tax return naked, in case you are wondering.)

I was particularly interested when Mr HRI, told us about his hidden talent. He can do massage. (Not that kind of massage la. Traditional massage, okay.) We start to pay real attention to him. No talking, no nothing. We listened to his massage stories like a 3 year old kid lapping lollipop. Give him our fullest attention. He told us that he inherited this talent from his father who was a famous Bomoh (What is Bomoh in English? Anyone?)

He told us that the other thing that he's blessed with, is that he can performed tarik duit (money pulling. Is that correct?). All of us were of course, very interested. Well, here is this guy, offering a way out to paradise!. No more worries about the high petrol price. Goodbye to ever increasing tolls charges. Minimum credit card payment? ....WHAT MINIMUM CREDIT CARD PAYMENT?! And Hello!, Visit Malaysia Year, here we come.

Mr MA : So, how did you do it?

Mr. HRI : Can't tell you that, its the pantang (forbidden?). I cannot disclose it or my ilmu (magic kot) will fade away.

Akula : How much money you already tarik (pull, get.)

Mr. HRI : Man, I tell you, its soooo much that I loose count.

Mr MFMD : Lets cut to the chase. We are interested. When can we do it?

Mr HRI : Okay, this coming Friday night. That is 3 days from today. But, I really hate to tell you this, we have to have duit tangkal first about RM 1,000.00 (What is duit tangkal? I give up! Hate this translation shit!).

I just smiled and look at Mr BH. He winked at me. I understood the signal right away. And like a bunch of musketeers, we made a pact. 3 days from now, Friday night, we will meet again, plus RM 1,000.00.

Time to go home, everyone is smiling, fantasizing. Our financial trouble will be over soon. We stood up. Mr. BH (the one who winked at me) said in a loud voice.

Mr. BH : Hey HRI. Round table la.

Akula : Yeah man. Surely you can belanja us. This is nothing man, compared to the thousands of RM you tarik.

Mr. HRI was dumbstruck. And timidly said : Errrk.... I am just going to ask you to belanja me. I forgot to draw my money.

Mr. BH : Man, YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT!

We pooled our money with the other dumbstruck friends of ours and walk away.

I dont know about them but come Friday night, I wont be there.

UNCLE C AND HIS THAI WIFE

2007-04-29T17:54:00.001+08:00

My dad, a shrewd person that he is, have a Chinese friend, Uncle C, who sells VCD and DVD (pirated ones la) in our hometown. He frequents his friend's stall religiously once a week. Until they became good friends. As good friends, of course, whenever my mum and aunties are in their mood of getting their emotional sense torn apart by Bollywood movies, my dad will buy it from Uncle C, with great discounts. That's why I said he is a shrewd person. Be friend with them, and they will give discounts.

Anyway, his friend have a problem. Wanted to marry a Thai. Don't know shit how to, though. That's where I came in the picture.

Akula's Dad : Akula, please help Uncle C. Go to Thailand with him. Settle his problem.
Akula : Hmm... OK. I will try.
Akula's Dad : No, No. Dont try. Do it.
Akula : Ok, Ok.

(I have to state a point here. We Malaysian deeply respect our parents and usually will not go against their wishes).

The reason my dad asked me was that I used to live in Thailand and I can speak Thai a little bit. That's what I was made to believe anyway.(However, I was more inclined to think somehow this must have something to do with the discounts that my dad enjoyed whenever he bought those VCD's from Uncle C). With that, I took a few days leave and off to Thailand with Uncle C and his young fiance.

We went to Uncle C fiance's village in Mae Sot, near Thai-Myanmar border, to meet up with her parents. Have to get the parents blessing. I asked Uncle C to bring gifts (read Singha Beer, locally made and a whole lot of it). The parents were happy and very accommodating.

After a simple religious ceremony with a monk solemnising the union, we went to the Local Municipality's office to register Uncle C's marriage.

Then, the father in law grab my hand and took me aside. I immediately sense something's up.

The father in law: Are you married?
Akula (*Thinking* Shit! I know this will happen): Forgive me, but why you ask me that, Sir?
The father in law: Well, if you are not, I have another daughter who I like to marry off.

I looked at his daughter. She's fair and pretty. Tempting. I wanted to say yes but took my time and glanced at jubilant Uncle C, who couldn't stop smiling, in love and surrounded by his wife's relatives. He looks so happy. Suddenly I felt pity for him thinking about what he will have to go through after this. So I lied.

Akula: Sir, thank you for your offer. But I can't. I am going to get married too. Next week.
The father in law: Well, in that case, mai pen rai (never mind).

On our trip back to Malaysia, I was thinking, why did I say no? She looks cool, and from my conversations with the family, she's a great person too.

The thing is, with Uncle C, he will be in deep shit. His wife have to apply for a visa to enter Malaysia. After that he need to make countless trips to the Immigration Office to get his wife a stay permit which during the process, he will make round trips to the border to have his wife's passport stamped for extended stay. The worse thing is, if Uncle C passed away before his wife, his wife have to go back to Thailand even though their children will be a Malaysian citizen. Applying to be a Permanent Resident? Sure, after 5 years. Applying for Malaysian citizen? Worst still. Cows will fly first. Its a very, very difficult process.

Me? Forget it. I am not a person who could go through that time and time again. No way. Not even for love.

E FILING LHDN

2007-04-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

I did my tax return by e filing just now. Cant believed it was so easy. User friendly too. Took me about 10 minutes. And that's it. I would recommend everyone, (law abiding citizen that is, like me, :) to file your income tax return by Internet.

Beat the hassle of rushing to LHDN's office to drop your tax return form last minute anytime. As usual. Malaysian style.

The other thing that I like best about filing my tax return online, is that........ I did it naked, with a cig between my lips. Its for bragging la, what else. Those who post it, send it by hand, definately cannot top that.

And it's definately not illegal to be naked in your own dwelling......

A DINNER TO REMEMBER

2007-04-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

MDB, a colleague of mine, asked me go to a dinner where he is scheduled to give a speech. Since I got nothing better to do on a Saturday night,(that's right) I agreed. (I want to stress one thing here. I don't do dinner function. I hate to dress up!) .

The dinner started great. Lots of good food, and I got to seat next to a pleasant looking lady with her charming girlfriend. Things are going well. I thought.

A few minutes gone by.I glanced to the other table, saw 2 batik wearing gentleman folding their arms and stared at their shoes, their spouses fidgeting in their seats . 5 minutes. I looked at the table across, a `dressed to kill' lady is busy playing with her shining gold bangles, showing it off to the blonde hair Malay lady next to her. Must be a Datin, I thought.

10 minutes. I noticed that the guests at next table started to look like zombie's from the Night of the Living Dead, eyes staring blankly at the flower decoration in the middle. 15 minutes had gone. MDB is still rambling about something. Strained my neck and looked at the 3 tables at the end of the hall. All of them `bukak kedai kopi', laughing and giggling softly, but loud enough to be heard.

Smiled again at the lady next to me. She did not response, and I noticed she kept on sending small signals to her friend.

Right then I realized something. No one was actually listening to MDB's speech and were doing their own things to make times fly. Including me. By observing other guests. This is one boring dinner and one long boring speech.

I cant wait anymore. Mumbled an excuse to the ladies, straightened my shirt and left the function. Colleague or no colleague. Felt a surge of relief once I got out from the function hall.

The next day, received a phone call from MDB. " Akula, where were you? I searched all over for you after my speech." I replied without hesitation. "DUDE, YOUR SPEECH REALLY SUCKS!"